Wednesday, December 31, 2008

breaking dawn

after reading eclipse, i couldn't wait to read breaking dawn. but mostly because i love a good wedding. and descriptions of weddings. and wedding dresses. and food. and flowers. and i wanted to see what all the hype was about concerning the "suggestive" scenes between edward and bella. however, i felt like the whole book wasn't necessary. perhaps it should have been a novella or it could have been combined with eclipse since i didn't feel that whole book was neccesary. after book 2 the whole tone of the series changed. it was more of a sci-fi book and less of a love story. and i still wasn't sold on bella becoming a vampire until it became a neccesity for her to do so. edward loved her humanity and i didn't want to see either of them lose that.

what i liked-

-the wedding. i can't get enough of weddings and the like. it was a nice launchpad to bella's next hurdles that she needed to encounter.

-the best part about bella becoming a vampire was that she was no longer an indecisive dummy. hallelujah!

-i loved the post-vampire bella descriptions of the world around her. the world was more clear to her and to me.

-renesemee- at first i hated it because i hate a contrived made up name. but then characters started calling her nessie and i decided renesmee wasn't so bad after all. i am more than on the fence with it, i almost like it more than a little.

-bella started dressing better. even it it was just a nice pair of jeans and a longsleeved t-shirt, it was a million times better than the oversized flannel shirt descriptions of other books. and the cashmere sweater dress that she wears to meet the lawyer? i think that desciption was just for me. loved it. and the oyster colored silk dress too. so happy.

what i could have done without-

-jacob. why won't he just die and go away? he could have been eaten by a bear while he was depressed about bella. i would play the bear in the movie. they wouldn't have to pay me. i thought his perspective was completely unneccesary. his chapter headings were quite humorous but the rest just made me feel like i had walked around in mud with no shoes on and then it dried on my feet. and then i sweated a bunch and didn't have any clothes to wear and i slept in the dirt and ate raw animals. yuck. and he just kept hanging around all the time. shouldn't he be looking for gainful employment?

-why couldn't the wolfpacks have worn back packs? it makes sense to me. they could call them wolfpack packs. surely someone could have figured out a way to have clothes on when other people were around. something with elastic straps to expand with them when they got bigger and smaller.

-the wolves story line just bugged. it felt cartoony.

-EJ- thank goodness the baby was a girl. i think edward would have been a nice name for a boy, but having jacob as a middle name would be plain idiotic. and doesn't edward get a say in his own monster child's name? even i let thomas have some say on our kid's names.

-leah and jacob should have hooked it up. if sam uley dated her at one point then she certainly couldn't have been completely unfortunate looking.

-i found the ending completely anti-climactic. i wanted carnage. or a revolt. i wanted multiple vampires to have their limbs ripped off their bodies and then have seen them put themselves back together. i wanted wolves to be bitten in half(perhaps jacob). it seems to me that this was the cop out ending.

-and the WORST PART OF THE WHOLE BOOK- jacob imprinting on renesmee. BARF-A-RONI. be still my lunch. the book almost went out the window, but it's not my copy so i had to treat it nicely. this made no sense to me. sometimes a character not getting what they wanted and ending up unhappy is more interesting than every little loose end being nicely tied up. i just can't handle that, but i could see it coming. it just borders on pedophilia. creepy. someone go buy jacob a nice windowless van to cruise neighborhoods in. if you were a parent, would you want your speedy-growth-half-vampire-half-human-blood-guzzling-daughter to hook up with an unemployed wolf? what is he even bringing to the table? is edward going to support them for the rest of eternity?

-charlie not needing a real excuse about his daughter suddenly looking inhuman and having a 4 month old baby. seriously? i don't buy that for a minute.

i'm on the fence with-

-i really hope they make jacob hottt in the next movies so that he has some sort of redeeming quality about him.

-renesmee- saccharine-sweet faultless children are so bothersome to me. almost as bad as talking animals. her dad has a horrible temperament issue and her mom is completely passive, how did renesmee end up not throwing any tantrums whatsoever? she's still part human.

-bella's shield power. seemed a bit obtuse. annoying. not that the power was that dumb, just the descriptions about it. i did like at the end when edward could briefly read her mind and saw her thoughts about him. that was nice.

new questions that were posed-

-how do non-cullen vampires make money??? the cullens certainly depended on their cash to give them the anonymity they needed. how do the others hold down jobs and travel and obtain visas if they don't have mind reading powers to see how the stock market is going to go??? we live in a documented world, does everyone have a shady lawyer working for them?

-what was all the drama with edward and bella's "suggestive" scenes? they were married and it didn't describe anything. i was fine with it. i am glad that they were married before having sex. i think that was the main point that ms. meyer was trying to make.

finally, this ending totally leaves the door wide open for more vampire/wolf themed books. i will not read them. i only care about edward and bella. but i can't wait for midnight sun. i think edward's perspective on twilight and a little more history about him will be fascinating. i have held out this long not reading the portions posted online. i don't like book previews and i know reading it will only antagonize me. so, i hope ms. meyer will hurry it up and get over having her feelings hurt and will finish it up within the next decade.

how i rank the 4 books-
1. twilight-great, sooper, fun, fantastic. loved it!!!
2. new moon- good. sad, heart-breaking, but enjoyable.
3-eclipse-eh? okay.
4-new moon- the wedding and bella-the-new-vampire descriptions are it's only saving grace.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


what i liked-
-i liked mrs. meyer's reference of cathy and wuthering heights. a true classic. hopefully more people will be inclined to read it. i read it once in 7th grade and grasped almost none of it. i am planning on trying to read it again.
-also, romeo and juliet and anne of green gables references. not just junk you are forced to read in high school.
-the edward/heathcliff comparison. solid.
-bella/cathy comparison. for real. bella needs to pick something and stick with it.

what made me barf-
-the wolf pack. they might as well of been animated talking animals. i just can't handle that. i want them to all drown in the ocean.
-bella's apathy toward college attendance. becoming a vampire does limit some of a person's opportunity to be a part of the outside world. i wish she would take advantage of every opportunity she got.
-why can't she let edward buy her something? perhaps a new wardrobe? at least a car? i would take a BMW 525i in charcoal gray, please. she is sort of selfish to limit other people's generosity.
-bella's love of jacob. if she loves edwards as much as she claims, then jacob's friendship should be just that and not a threat to edward. selfish snot. she wants it all for herself. she thinks that because she loves both edward and jacob, granted differently, that they should both be happy because she is.
-kissing jacob. how in the world did she fall for that?
-requiring edward to stay with her during the battle. no way. she needs to be supportive of edward protecting his family. how could they have happiness together if his whole family had been slaughtered?

i'm on the fence with-
-getting married. these are teenagers! at least one of them is. but,at the same time, i don't get why the idea is so repulsive to bella. it's like she can't see beyond her own nose. selfish selfish selfish.
-the victoria/newborn battle. eh? perhaps that is just the rosalie coming out in me. i wasn't that interested. they could have taken a trip somewhere for about a month and avoided the whole ordeal.

new moon

new moon knocked my socks off. and not in the motivated, let's-run-10-miles-and-learn-italian-literature kind of way. i really liked it, but it depressed me. BIG TIME. which is probably what mrs. meyer was going for, right? what affected me the most about new moon was the break-up scene and the foreboding few days leading up to it. edward's withdrawal was all too familiar from personal experience. i could smell "break up" in the air. i was anticipating it, though i didn't have any clue as to if it was really going to happen. the pre-emptive anxiety i experienced was beyond ridiculous. i had to keep prepping myself and tell myself that this wasn't happening to me. not to get too personal(why is it so easy to share a lot about my embarassing daily life on the internets, but not personal things?) but i even got out my old journal from college and reread some entries from june 2001. the worst break up of my life. and for you that were with me at the time, it wasn't lance(are you kidding me?), and certainly not joseph the lumberjew. (haha, i've always wanted a reason to type lumberjew.) i was a mess. i didn't realize that some of those emotions had simply been buried and that the pain was still there. rejection is no fun if you are the one being rejected. but i pulled through; i finished the book. i'm okay. for real. no intervention needed.

things i liked about new moon-
-the single pages with the month listed and no further information. october, november, december. this killed me. totally effective way to showcase the doom and nothingness that bella experienced. bawled my face off.

-bella being overy dramatic. cracked me up. at first i scoffed at her but then i realized that she is just a teenager in love. and i am a condescending adult.

-alice. i love her and i want to be her and steal cars for sport. and drive a yellow porshe. and go shopping with her. and let her give me a make over. also, her character was the most emotionally available of any of them. she was willing to drop everything and help bella so that her brother would be happy. and risk her own safety. a truly benevolent character.

-italy and the volturi. yikes. bikes! the interrogation wasn't that alarming. the lunch the volturi had was more than alarming. and, i was so excited to get edward back. because i like him. he actually has job prospects if he wanted them.

what i disliked about new moon-
-jacob. at first he was tolerable but then i just kept picturing the big, sweaty, perpetually happy ogre. i couldn't visualize him well. just too sloppy and unclean. i picture him wearing a wife beater. a vote for team jacob is a vote for team unemployed. hopefully the movie will rectify this situation for me.

-werewolves- WEIRD(because vampires are so normal). i just couldn't grasp that. what does sam uley do for money? how does he support his fiancee? i think i am too practical for all that bizness. imprinting? no gracias.

-bella in port angeles confronting the guys outside the bar. it just didn't jive for me. i knew nothing was going to happen. it was too wordy and too thoughtful to be very climatic.

i'm on the fence with-
-bella trying to hear edward's voice in her head. i understand the need to try and ressurrect as many memories as possible but i was hoping that it really would be edward talking to her. otherwise she was just nuts. and should be medicated.

Friday, December 05, 2008


this review is more limited and disjointed than i was hoping for. feel free to ask for clarifications.

i really liked this book. it was fun and refreshing. bella could be as dull as dirt but also infinitely interesting. her fallibility and poor decisionmaking skills were frustrating but completely appealing to me. her lack of personality was not. i completely related to her in her obsessive attraction to edward. who hasn't crushed on someone in high school(or college) and then looked for them or tried to glean more information about them every chance they got? or drove completely out of their way just so they could see if anybody might be in a particular parking lot at the foreign language housing dorm? anybody? anybody?
edward was by far my favorite character. i love a good strong, smart male lead. he was inherently flawed despite his vampire perfection. i love a male character who feels the need to take care or protect a female. that doesn't necessarily make the lead female weak or pitiful, but just proves that gallantry and chivalry aren't dead. his word choices and phrases were nice. there was a strong voice distinction. i am determined to use the word absurd more often as a result. though, i do wish he would have murderized those unwashed miscreants in port angeles.

i liked that bella was able to assess situations and try and determine her own destiny; pumping jacob for edward information, deciding to fight back her attackers in port angeles, becoming the sacrificial lamb of sorts for the vampire james and not involving others who might get hurt. other things i related to with bella was her overwhelming feelings of not feeling good enough for edward. i think this teenage emotional nail was hit right on the head. i also like bella because she wasn't good at things. she wasn't perfect at everything or anything so she makes us feel like someday a fantastic vampire could fall in love with us too or just have exciting things happen to us. and bella did dumb things. and she was dumpy. and annoying. and she fell a lot. though i have no room to judge on personal grace or poise. i think stephenie meyer used a great mix of normalcy and extraordinary--and showed how they can be the same thing.

i was never concerned about the final outcome of the book. obviously, since there are 3 more books besides this one, i knew not EVERYONE would die. but that would have been fun too. regardless, i was interested in the parts that i found predictable as much as the parts that i found completely unpredictable. twilight was sort of like a cigarette to me. i took the book everywhere trying to get a few paragraphs in at a time when i could. once i was done i almost didn't know how to complete simple tasks like sitting at stop lights or blow drying my hair. the book was always there. i may need a 12 step program just to get me back to real life.

major likes-
-a fun, fast, slightly silly, nicely chaste but still exciting read. it was even easier and faster to read the second time around.
-i would pause after certain passages and laugh at myself because i was reading a book about vampires. and it was silly but i was compelled to read more.
-it made thinking of being a teenager again not such a completely revolting thought. especially if i was a vampire and looked like rosalie.
-the random bits of sarcasm and humor. it was like stephenie meyer was putting her own personal jokes in there.
-the obvious simliarities between lds doctrine and vampire dogma. funny. i like a nice subliminal message. i hope some of the teeny-bopper readers took the self-control message to heart.
-i LOVE the fact that stephenie meyer never describes anyone with the word sexy. i despise that word. it is so over-used that it means nothing. plus, sexy is so fleeting, so one-note. there is no depth to that description and it sounds very generic and cheap.
-baseball scene-verging on ridiculous but light-hearted enough to make the vampires seems like they were once human with human interests.

major issues-
-the long khaki skirt that bella wears to meet the cullens. yuck. that description almost ruined the chapter for me. i just pictured a sister missionary in honduras with some birkenstocks. be still my lunch.
-the just-add-water "i love yous"- i think this could have been more interesting had the relationship tension built up over more shared experiences or a little longer period of time.
-jacob-i don't know what it was about his description and mannerisms, i just saw him as sort of a dumb, easily manipulated lump.
-stephenie meyer is a comma freak. i would have to read several lines over again so that i could have a better handle on her true emphasis and meaning.
-i wish there was more rosalie. if i were at a vampire crossroads i would feel very much like her. i don't pine to be a vampire. i'm possibly opposed to it. i would struggle back and forth about whether or not if was in bella's position, if i would want to become a vampire. being human is pretty great. i like sleeping. i love eating. crying has its perks. not to say that being a vampire wouldn't be fun too. running faster would be great.

final thoughts that may or not be related to twilight:
i'm totally fine with people not liking twilight. i don't like the lion king. different strokes for different folks. it irks me relentlessly when people don't like it because it isn't "literature". what's so bad about fluff reading? brownies are not the "literature" of food but they are pretty dang fantastic anyway. the people who shun reading fluff only see "films" and not movies and only listen to indie music and pretend that christina aguilera or mariah carey are untalented. they are pretentious and they think they are smarter than everyone else. and that cannot possibly be true because i am smarter than absolutely everyone and i thought twilight was a great book.

Monday, November 24, 2008

the twilight movie from a non-reader perspective

so last friday i threw caution to the wind and saw the twilight movie. i haven't read a single iota of any of the books. i am not opposed to reading them, i just never thought about it. for a long time i thought they were a strictly lds young adult fiction series of books and i have a natural aversion to that type of literature. probably because i love gratuitous sex and using the F word as an adjective. okay, not really. lds fiction is just not my thing. anywhooo, during the movie i took a bunch of notes that i scribbled on a long wal-mart receipt and my voter registration id card. keep in mind that this is strictly my thoughts on the movie and not the book. i have no thoughts on the book. and don't say, if you read the book, it would all make sense. and if you are tempted to say that to me my response will be to go read gone with the wind and quit referring to that one time you watched 20 minutes of the movie and that is how you have formulated your entire gone with the wind opinion. see, everything comes back to gone with the wind with me.
without further ado-
a short twilight movie opinion list by heidi
1. someone behind me was wearing a TON of paul mitchell hairspray. i love that smell so that was a good omen.
2. hurray for peter facinelli. you can finally contribute to your family income with wife jennie garth(kelly of 90210). you've come a long was since your can't hardly wait days.
3. the best line of the movie is when bella's friend is describing the cullen clan and she says that jasper is the one who looks like he is always in pain. i busted out laughing. and i was the only one.
4. edward's hair is amazing. do vampires have to get their hair cut? what about dental work? where do they draw the line? do they go to the bathroom? does sucking blood create any waste
5. why are the cullens in school? can't they claim homeschool status? is it just something for them to do? they don't seem to socialize with any other students.
6. google has the answers to everything. bella figured everything out just from googling a few key words. i bet she could figure out where osama bin laden in just a few minutes.
7. i know bella doesn't care about fashion but did she have to pick out some of the ugliest shirts possible? doesn't she have ANY fashion standards?
8. rosalie's shoes were amazing.
9. in fact, the entire cullen family was fastidiously dressed and groomed. i would like to be a vampire for that reason alone. are they trying to eradicate the vampire stereotype of bad tuxedos and exaggerated widow's peaks?
10. bella and edward's relationship seemed to be based on a lot of staring. if thomas and i stared at each other that much, even less would get done at this house.
11. during the first biology class scene it seemed like edward was trying to keep from vomiting all over bella. and bella acted as if she was breathing in some sort of awful stink and it was slowly choking her. not my favorite scene.
12. edward's suit for the prom was great. just great.
13. when edward was showing off his sparkly skin, was is neccessary to open his shirt to the waist? i'm just saying. and couldn't they have waxed his chest?
14. bella was the posterchild for an abusive relationship.
edward- i want to kill you and drink all your blood in a smoothie.
bella- but i love you!
15. is everyone in washington state sweaty and clammy all the time?
16. what was the deal with the leggings at prom? i almost walked out of the theater on that one. i can understand the sneaker because of the boot, but the leggings? barf on my face. and i thought her thigh bone was broken. would that kind of break required a foot boot?
17. the middle portion of the movie seemed like a music video that just wouldn't end.
18. i wish it could have been longer. i felt like there was a bunch that was missing. i don't think people would object to seeing a really good long movie. i object to short and bad movies.
19. does the cullen family have social security cards or passports? how do they travel out of country? how do they pay taxes? can they have their pictures taken? do they have driver's licenses???
20. sissies drive hatchbacks. granted, the hatchback edward drove was a flashy volvo, it still was a hatchback. how hard would it have been to get a coupe or a sedan?

in short, it wasn't a bad movie. it was definitely geared to a junior high audience. unfortunately most of our audience was 25 or older. all this being said, i haven't stopped thinking about twilight and i CANNOT WAIT to start reading the first book tonight. even with all the movie's faults i could tell there is a good story underneath that needs to be unearthed. and i hope i find it.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

infamous is not the same as famous

let's not give ashley alexandra dupre her fifteen minutes of fame. if you don't know who she is, she is the prostitute who former new york governor eliot spitzer had his dangerous liasions with and who he spent gobs of money on. before that she was famous for exploiting herself on girls gone wild. ms. dupre has an interview with diane sawyer on 20/20 on friday. \let's boycott this interview. watch an i love lucy rerun instead.
my heart breaks for silda spitzer who has chosen to stand by her husband during this whole scandal. do we really need to know why ms. dupre, an aspiring singer, left her upper-middle class family and chose to become a call girl? should we care? all i know is that this interview is another piece in her puzzle to lead to her a life of fame. i feel sticky just thinking about her. next time we see her i am sure it will be on celebrity rehab with dr. drew. and that's not the same as being famous either.

Monday, November 10, 2008

obama/mccain 08

the most burning political question post election, who was michelle obama's stylist on election night and have they been shot yet? talk about an unflattering dress!

however, i was thrilled and relieved to see her daughter dress like a little lady instead of like most girls her age who are imitating life size BRATZ dolls.

mrs. obama is a very attractive woman with enviable curves but you would never know with this frock disaster! first and foremost, she needs to lose the jacket. her arms are one of her best features. the jacket smothers the integrity of the original design of the dress. the jacket makes all the other details fight each other rather than compliment each other. the satin trim on the hips emphasizes and visually doubles the size of her hips detracts from the overall design of the dress. BOO!

the original, more risque design on the runway:

i think that by taking the dress from cocktail to presidential didn't translate. mrs. obama should have used her power of executive veto.

a short 2008 campaign trail retrospective:

michelle obama fashion fabulousness-

i love the dress, but i HATE the boots. they need to go higher on her leg. and the low heel and suede fabric look insubstantial compared to the crispness of the dress. she looks like she stood in a deep mud puddle and stained her legs. but the cinched waist and the turquoise beads and amazing.

mrs. obama is so lucky to be able to wear any color. her skin simply glows in this teal dress. and the cut skims her hips perfectly and the deep v neck gives her an hourglass appearance. it accentuates her curves without making them appear bigger or out of proportion.

the famous whitehouse/blackmarket sundress. great choice. her lovely shoulders are on display and figure flaws are minimized with the ephasis being on her waist. i do laugh when i recall that she was lauded for this dress being "reasonably priced at around $150". tell that one to thomas next time i go shopping!

is everyone slouching or is mrs. obama 7 feet tall? why does whoopi always have to look like she raided rosie o'donnell's closet? and sign me up for elisabeth hasselbeck's pump class, check out her arms!!! instead of bickering all the time, the view should promote arm wrestling. then finally elisabeth will have a chance to win something!

and since i am completely non-partisan(haha, i even typed that with a straight face), here is cindy mccain:
cindy mccain fashion panache-a-thon
mrs. mccain is very petite and slender which can prematurely age her and clothes can easily overwhelm her tiny frame or make her seem like a child playing dress up. she has mastered how to embrace dressing for the 50+ age set. she looks youthful without looking like she is trying to be young.

the architectural pleats and bow give her more shape and the gray shimmer gives her a warmer appearance. i want to wear this dress everyday of the week. but i would wear a nude pump instead of black.
i LOVED this oscar de la renta dress that mrs. mccain wore to the RNC. loved it!
and this was the only image of this dress i could find! love it! very retro/modern christian dior new look. love it. did i already say that? the full pleated skirt is so fresh and soft and the popped collared commands attention!

finally, this is how you rock a pant suit hilary. definitive color, crisp fabric, immaculate construction. AMEN!

Friday, November 07, 2008

viva the south!

i've had enough. let me make this very clear. the majority of the residents of the states located south of the mason dixon line are NOT pining for the days of slavery and african-american persecution. and the very few who do are a dying breed. i had a conversation with a man at church recently that left me steaming. i had mentioned to this man, brother j for jerk, that i had truly enjoyed living in the South, that the people were kind and generous and that most people from the South are proud to be called southerners. i find this to be true regardless of race. however, brother j made a few remarks to me suggesting that the white people of the South were proud of their history for all the wrong reasons, that white southerns were proud of a murderous and oppressive history. i will never deny that terrible and unfair things happened in the South, i am not ignorant to the fact that some still go on today. but i will also note that many of the most severe race riots occured in detroit, chicago and saint louis. the entire country has been guilty of hatred and intolerance and we should all feel pain because of this.
however, i am not embarassed, as was suggested by brother j, that thomas's ancestors fought for the confederacy. that is who they were and what they believed and what they thought they should do. their beliefs are not my beliefs. their thoughts are not my thoughts and since they are long dead, i cannot fully comprehend the things they fought for.
i do not speak for all on this subject, i merely speak for myself as an adopted southerner. let me be perfectly clear, the South is full of interesting people and a complex history. and unfortunately people are still treated poorly because of race, class, handicap, sexual orientation and religion. this is true in mississippi and missouri and new york and utah. what is most alarming to me is the people who speak the most ill of the Southland and her people are people who have never been there for more than a weekend visit to stone mountain. the South is more than rednecks and trailer parks and the stars and bars. yes, there are plenty of these in the South. but there are so many wonderful things there too. there are wonderful universities, incredible traditions and some of the best people i have ever known. how many other regions of the US can boast of decoration day, when all the graves of ancestors are decorated and honored? i cannot force people to see what i see. some people are determined to see only ugly things.
and if i hear another person from UTAH make a racist remark about black people, i will punch them in the face. no matter where we are.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

legging opinion extravaganza

in february of 2007 i posed the question, leggins', yea or nay? when i originally posed the question, i was just needing feedback on this important subject as i had not yet formed an opinion. over a year and a half later, i think that i have finally formed my opinion.
i like them.
more like occasionally.
if they are worn the right way.
and if they are not worn as a pant replacement.
and if they are not actually just opaque tights being called leggings.

how did i come to make this decision?
first of all, i love to wear my running pants which resemble leggings. even though they are worn when i am sweating like a football player on a saturday in august in alabama and i am looking my worst, i still feel a bit chic when i wear them.
secondly, i observed images of leggings being worn correctly:

leggings are neither pants nor pantyhose. they are a subtle accessory. they complete and anchor an outfit without making a statement. the correct pair make your actual statement pieces standout. the key is to be more audrey hepburn and her signature black cigarette pants and less lindsay lohan, crack whore.

normally i don't recommend wearing white on the lower half of your body, but this particular subject does it well. her blue blazer becomes an effortless focal point and the length of the legging keeps the dress from looking like it is competing in length with the jacket. the leggings are a visual lengthener without screaming, "my skirt is WAY to short to be worn alone!"

some bad examples of leggings:

lindsay lohan(who else?). her leggings are obviously footless tights worn with a too short tunic top. the monochromatic color scheme is not slimming. the camera flashes reflect off of the tights and brings your eyes to her thighs. few people want attention on their thighs. the overall look screams, "i forgot my PANTS! this is all your fault dina lohan!"

PVC leggings. these should only be worn by steven tyler at a concert. and even then you don't want to be on the front row. nothing shows off more flaws or accentuates more bulges than rubber hose legs. if you are going to a dance class or going snorkeling or are on your way to hell, you are fine. otherwise, TAKE THEM OFF! heavens to besty, we don't want to look like fergie!

a few last thoughts:

1. back in around the 3rd century BC, leggings were called hosa. they were worn by all sorts of military personnel as then went to conquer in colder climates. they were invented by the visigoth tribes of ancient germany. of course, the idea was stolen by the romans so that is who gets credit. leggings have made appearances all throughout the history of costume in many different incarnations. let us all remember that leggings(hosa) are as old as sand, and that we should be honoring a legacy, not flaunting an open reference to jazzercise gear

2. leggings are tricky! if you want to wear a slim black pant, do just that! find a nice medium weight black pant with more obvious side seams and fly(avoid the camel toe) and for the love all cross stitch, BACK POCKETS are a must! then proceed to channel your best audrey hepburn or lucille ball.

3. if you have muscular or well rounded calves as i do, avoid leggings, or any pant for that matter, that cut straight across the widest part of your leg.
4. leggings give a dress a more casual vibe. use your descretion as to where they can be appropriately worn. when i was in utah this past summer, i was able to attend the temple. as i was leaving, TWO unassociated women left the dressing room wearing leggings. neither of their dresses were anywear near knee length and one sweet spirit had excessive cleavage exposed. leggings do NOT make a mid-thigh dress long enough. and leggings should NEVER be worn to the temple. please folks. it's the house of the Lord, not the mall.

5. i think the most difficult question to answer is, is it okay to wearing leggings with dresses that would otherwise be too short or revealing alone? yes and no. is the dress tight and mid thigh? NO! is the dress loose and flowing and only a inch or two above where it needs to be? YES! are they true leggings or are they thick tights? in my opinion(and that's all it is), tights should be worn with things that are knee length. tights are more revealing and sheer. a legging can be worn with a tunic or shirtwaist or trapeze style dress that is almost knee length to guarantee a few more inches of coverage. the legging does need to be thick enough so that bulges, dimples and other lines are obscured. they should provide some modicum of warmth. if the dress is exceeding short, then you might as well put real pants with it, because you aren't fooling anybody. you are giving the illusion of wearing a miniskirt. you are merely wearing something that is too short for proper wear and should then be worn as a shirt.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

change schmange

the buzzword of the 2008 presidential election is CHANGE. both parties are claiming that there is an undeniable need for change. while this rallying cry seems to appeal to the masses, i am done with it. it needs to be retired. i am a child of the reagan revolution. i still believe that the united states of america is a "shining city upon a hill". i know that our country was divinely founded. i also know that our country has flaws that need to be remedied. but i am proud to be an American. i am proud to say that what we have here in this country is the best on earth. our number one goal should not be change, it should be improvement. i know that americans are inherently good. we need to improve who we are each day.

Monday, September 08, 2008


hurray for britney spears. at least you look like a high-priced call girl now. seriously though. you should consider promoting a work out video.

hurray for the jonas brothers. thank you for channeling the beatles and bringing back the rock n' roll suit.

hurray for miley cyrus. you look like a 15 year old should look. i'll forgive you for the shoes.

hurray for zac efron. you are still taking yourself too seriously to smile, and too seriously to spell your name with a k, but this retro inspired skinny suit doesn't look costumey at all.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

fashion craptacular

looks i hate and no one should wear. EVER. PERIOD.

pegged baggy pants. or if you lived in my neck of the woods you referred to them as tight rolled. how many of you have been waiting patiently for awful to come back in style? besides those people that show up at wal-mart and the tire store completely unkempt and unwashed??? please, for the love of your thighs, don't make them look any worse by bringing ALL the attention to them in the worst way possible. if you love your thighs, show off your svelte goodness with a fitted pant or skirt. if you hate your thighs, camouflage them with a fitted pant or skirt that just skims your body and wear a fun accessory or shirt to take away the attention from your thighs. ballooning them out with layers of distressed denim is not the solution. neither is emphasizing them by creating a smaller ankle silhoutte. barf on you katie holmes. you are NOT avant garde. you are not creative. can you remember 1986? this was the last time this was cool and it wasn't flattering then either.

booties. they make me think of small socks for tennis or cooties. or butts for that matter. yuck town. there is a small place in the fashion world for booties. small. miniscule. if you want to look like you have bloated ankles or are 2 feet shorter, go get yourself a pair and then wear them to a warrant or quiet riot concert with your faded and fringed denim jacket. or if you are really feeling good about yourself and want to bring yourself down a notch or two, pair the booties with ill-fitting, rolled up khaki pants and a barely-held-on-with-a-smidgen-of-fabric-shirt that you just picked up off the floor a la keira knightly.

slippery looking plastic leggings and corsets. instead of singing the boys are back in town, i feel like i should be singing, the whores are back in town. besides the fact that i find the pussycat dolls insipid, disgusting, untalented and dead behind the eyes, they perpetuate the theory that women who dress like tramps and sing(read=whine, talk/sing, growl and breathe heavily) about sex are "free" and "liberated" and "proud of their sexuality". no gracias. and the leggings and corsets do nothing for them either. unless you are running in a 10k in the dead of winter and you need plastic pants to keep you warm, don't. wear. them. and corsets??? how "free" are you when you can't even take a breathe from the bottom of your lungs???

the booties, tights and dancewear combo. how seasonally illogical is this?



tights under shorts=completely uncomfortable

zip up track jacket with short sleeves=sweaty looking

gray tank top=lawn mower chic

poop soup=hilary

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

when is your child officially sick?

if your child has a runny nose, are they sick?
what about perpetual visible boogers?
what if they cough occasionally but not persistently?
open and oozing sores?
closed and dry sores?
what if they have these symptoms but are acting like they are fine?
at what point does your child stay home?
do you ever say anything to other people about their child possibly being too sick to be around other children?
when are YOU officially sick?

Friday, July 18, 2008

everything is up to date in kansas city

if i had a buck for every time someone asked me what it is like to live in kansas, i would have about, oh, $55. but seriously. there is a popular misnomer that kansas city is in kansas. while there is a KCK. KCMO where it is at and is the one everyone talks about. most people think that missouri is farmlands and hicks. i am going to prove that we are chock full of celebs. plus, lots of farmlands and hicks. so, in no particular order:

george brett- not from kc, but it is his home now. we loyal royals fans think he is pretty close to heaven and wish he would come out of retirement and help revive our miserable team. once i called him georgie porgie and my brother steve said that was the most disrespectful thing i could do. i was 5.

brad pitt- from springfield, missouri. i used this picture because most of his recent shots are of him with some fat girl with lots of tatoos and big ol' lips. i didn't need her ruining my post.

matt tegenkamp- olympic athlete who graduated from the high school just down the road from my house. i taught him all he knows about running.

jesse james- famous outlaw. died in a shootout. famous last words were something along the lines of, "i love missouri forever!" or something like that. or i just made that up.

jean harlow- the term blond bombshell was coined because of her. died at age 26 from kidney failure.

harry s truman- from independence, missouri. the s in his name stands for S and that's it.

ginger rogers- amazing amazing amazing- from independence, missouri

chuck norris- or as we call him, carlos ray norris. he lived in prairie village, kansas for a short time. nice guns.

michael vick- famous quarterback now living in some resort community in leavenworth, kansas.

willie aames- resides in olathe, kansas(KC suburb) with wife and kids. why do you recognize him? from his roles in 8 is enough, charles in charge and VH1's celebrity fat club.

david cook- start screaming now. he's SOOOOOO cute. that's for you, caroline.

ernest hemingway-famous author and outdoorsman. wrote for the kansas city star way back in the day. he later committed suicide. most likely because he left kansas city. it's a hard place to get over.

others of note:

sheryl crow- barf on my face. most missourians wish she would stop acting like her opinions are more important than her music.

josephine baker- dancer, singer, civil rights activist born in saint louis.

nelly- well-known rapper from saint louis. likes to wear a new pair of sneakers everyday. not the best financial plan.

satchel paige- famous baseball pitcher. played for the kansas city monarchs and athletics. pitched professionally until he was in his 60s.

walt disney-born in marceline, missouri and later lived in KC. famous for drawing pictures of mice and ducks.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

beijing 2008

who else is completely and totally excited???
i love the summer olympics. i find myself watching some of the most random sports and getting totally absorbed in to it. but my all time fave is women's gymnastics. growing up all us kids would get together and pretend to do flips and acrobats off of tables and chairs in our basement. i know my mom loved it!
i even had this stylish haircut:

the mary lou retton wedge. i remember the day i got that haircut will incredible clarity. i was in the first grade and my mother was tired of yelling at me to brush my hair. she said that if i didn't take better care if my hair, she was going to cut it all off. she made good on her threat. i was not pleased. no matter how much i liked watching gymnastics on tv, i did not like the wedge haircut.

what's your favorite event to watch during the olympics???

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

summer recipe challenge

in summer i hate having to get the oven revved up for cooking dinner. i usually make homemade chocolate chip cookies at least every other week, and in the summer that doesn't even happen. dinner tonight was a mini fiasco because i was trying to decide what in the world to make that wouldn't heat up the whole house. then presto fresh avocado, grilled chicken on the george foreman, tortillas and cheese and instant fresh dinner. with a little extra planning i could have bought fresh or frozen veggies. if i had really planned ahead our side dish would have included cilantro corn salsa instead of just jalapeno refried beans.
so here's where the challenge comes in, on your blog, make a quick post with your favorite quick-and-easy-no-oven summer recipe. and this includes you people that read and NEVER comment. i know who you are...maybe.
here's mine
easy quesadillas
4 flour tortillas
3 grilled chicken breasts
1 ripe avocado
mexican or sharp cheese
onions and peppers as you like 'em
a big ol' dollop of sour cream

pre-heat tortillas in skillet so they are soft and roll-able. while tortillas are warming in skillet, chop up and mush up avocado with fork. shred grilled chicken into bits. heat veggies in another skillet. mix sour cream and cheese together so they are a spreadable paste. there should be more cheese than sour cream. spread cheese/cream mixture on tortillas on one half only. add chicken and veggies to same side. fold over and cook on skillet until golden brown. gently flip quesadilla. when done cut into thirds. gobble up as fast as you can.

cilantro corn salsa-
you'll need,
1 can black beans, rinsed
1 can corn, rinsed(or defrosted frozen)
chopped clilantro
1 can chopped tomato(or fresh)
1 can Ro-tel

mix all in big bowl. each with corn chips. yum. if you are feeling daring, melt one brick of cream cheese in with corn and mix thoroughly.

i am expecting recipes from sarah, kory welch and nat for sure. don't let me down.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

new lingo, be the first to share it. you will sound cool.

since i have been up typing up our skit for girls camp, i thought heck, its 2:30am, let's just do a blog post while we're at it! i never have time to post during the day anymore, lets just stay up all night. who needs sleep?
i decided that i am going to do an experiment. i want to start a new jargon. i get so annoyed when people say, type or write LOL. it just bugs. so, to be extra annoying i have created the new phrase of BOL. bust out laughing. try it. if you put it on your blog you will be entered in a contest to win a cool prize. once i get some sleep i will think of something cool. once you include BOL on a blog post, just come back here and tell me. i hope you win. just do it. you will be the envy of all your friends. and teenagers will think you are sooper hip. and that's our goal, right?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

fergie ferg

i was running on the treadmill this morning and i nearly fell off when i saw what was happening on the today show.

seriously, bumping and grinding and all sorts of sexual innuendo at 9am. did you check out the front row of viewers? moms and their kids. how many of them do you think were expecting this type of perfomance? despicable. sure, fergie loves the crack whore image. couldn't she have toned it down a tad? you know, for national television viewing?

Monday, May 19, 2008

i don't think you're ready for this jelly

about 2 months ago i stopped nursing. about 1 month ago i was called to be on the ward girl's camp commitee. what's the connection? let me break it down:

1. nursing gives me huge, fantastic boobs. i love them. being a smallish cupped girl, but biggest in my family,(i'll take victories wherever i can) pregnancy and nursing are a dream come true on the breast size front. wearing a fitted t-shirt and not looking like a 11 year old girl is amazing.

2. after all the lactation fun is over, my boobs shrivel into two lopsided sweet potatoes. they are not pretty and i can't afford a boob job...yet.

3. as a member of the girls camp commitee i am required to attend part of girls camp. this will include swimming. i live for a great afternoon at the pool. water is a good thing.

4. our stake camp director has made a rule where ONLY one piece swimsuits are allowed. no tankinis. she doesn't want to see any stomachs whatsoever. even if it is just when you pull the suit up to show everyone your sexyhottt(read saggy, accordian-like) post-baby stomach. yikes. that puts me in a bind. i love tankinis. that's all i own. i think they are a modest girls best friend. they are cute and trendy and the options are endless. now there are more and more one piece swimsuits available in hotter styles, but most of the ones in my price range look like this:

5. due to the aforementioned sweet potato dilemma, i need to find a suit with some better "molding" or "shaping" upstairs, ya dig? something to lift and squish the (now fraternal) twins to their former glory.
6. in all my research, this is one of the few suits that i have found that meets my needs.

*marisa miller's perfect body not included in purchase price
the victoria's secret miracle bra wireless push-up suit. though i don't know how that much cleavage will be more acceptable than a little bit of stomach showing. good thing i don't have that much cleavage. problem solved.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008


i purchased some cookie dough from the neighbor kids about 6 weeks ago. i thought that was an exceptionally long time to wait for incredibly expensive, prepackaged cookie dough. normally, i go to great lengths to avoid buying things that the local urchins are peddling, but in this case i softened. i need to be a good neighbor and i thought $12.00 would buy some pretty fantastic cookie dough. seriously, for 12 bucks it should have been laced with crack! when the cookie dough finally arrived i ripped open the plastic and grabbed a spoon(it had been a while since we had had sweets in our house. like a whole 24 hours). to my dismay i discovered that we had not been sold cookie dough, but i big cow patty in a tub. completely unappetizing. i ate some anyway hoping that perhaps gross looking was the new delicious, you know, sort of european. no. not at all. it was only tolerable when it was baked in cookies. next time i'll save my discretionary cash on something that i know will taste great. in the future i will just pretend i'm not home when the neighbor kids are out selling their wares to raise money for our schools that are actually supported by my property taxes. what, taxes not enough? they want my blood too? i digress. the sweetest taste will be hiding on the floor of my kitchen next time they come around.

Friday, April 18, 2008

cousin jess

what is the deal with jessica simpson? while i can't stand most of her "music"(term used loosely), looks, personality or dating decisions, i love her shoes! i already have one pair of jessica simpson shoes that i adore and when i went shoe shopping last week, every pair that appealed to me were emblazoned with the name jessica simpson! the best decision she ever made was listening to whomever picked her shoe design team. (you can't tell me she is actually designing these shoes herself. while she has made a bundle acting dumb, i believe that she is actually very smart. but not smart enough to design shoes.)
these are my two faves:

i know, the are very reminiscent of stripper shoes. but something about them is so appealing. i love a good wedge, on my feet that is. very glamorous summertimey. i can't wait to wear them to the zoo...after i convince thomas i need them.

three of my favorite shoe details,
a- cork
b- wedge
c- black patent
i can't go wrong!

Monday, April 14, 2008

mormon women everywhere

i found this link on one of the blogs i read. i think this is fantastic.

also, for all you lovely sisters out there, know that i am thrilled to be in membership with you. i love knowing that there are other sisters out there online, in my neighborhood, in my town, in my region, in my time zone, from all over the world and from my past and in my future that are striving for righteousness. knowing this strengthens me and buoys me up in difficult times.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

"homemade" fajitas

i love to cook, but i hate what happens to my house and my life when i try to take on a big cooking project. everything seems to get impossibly messy and disorganized and at least two people are screaming before the project is completed. sometimes the 2 screamers are my kids and sometimes it is just me screaming loud enough for two people. i digress.
fajitas have become one of my favorite dishes to prepare, not only are they mostly healthy, they taste fantastic. they do seem to require a lot of planning and thinking. and that can be a luxury around here. while the fam was living in fun-gomery, i discovered this little fajita helper. it's like hamburger helper, but it actually tastes good and isn't completely chocked full of sodium. just some sodium. and you have to have some sodium or you will have an electrolyte imbalance. at least that is my excuse to pour salt all over my food. this product is called john soules foods chicken breast for fajitas. it comes in a big plastic bag in your meat section of wal-mart. some wal-marts don't carry it. they are crazy. our currect wal-mart doesn't carry the beef version, only the chicken version. they are both fantastic. and chicken is lower fat. so you can eat more. i always buy the uncooked version, but they do have a pre-cooked version that only requires you to reheat and serve. i am sure it is good too.

dinner is in the bag(HA)!
the finished product:
i used to buy fresh peppers, but they have gotten so darn expensive i have started buying the frozen pre-chopped version. it still tastes good. my secret is to cook the peppers in their own skillet. once they are mostly cooked through, i strain them in a collander. do not rinse with water while they are in the collander. then i put them back in their skillet for a few more minutes. this reduces excess water in the peppers and keeps them crisp. no one wants a mushy fajita. finally, add the peppers to the fajita meat skillet. delicious!
thomas likes to add avocados. he scrapes the innards out of the skin and spreads the innards on his tortilla. place meat and peppers mixture inside, wrap and enjoy! delicious!

Monday, March 24, 2008

should i know this person?

once in a while i get a weird friend request on facebook. people i don't know but they think they know me. i have a pretty "mormony" maiden name, so i think people get confused. but this one takes the cake. i have no idea who this person is. should i? do any of you that knew me in college remember me having associations with this person? his profile says he is from blackfoot, idaho but he is in the salt lake city network. and these are some of the greasy, narcissistic pictures on his page:

i don't know whether to laugh or to take a bath or to take down my facebook page. what do you think?

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


my new calling in the ward is to be on the enrichment comittee. my partner and i are in charge of the monthly craft night. here's my secret: i don't like most crafts. mostly because they are unappealing to me. i would love to make something that interested me, but most of the time they are things i wouldn't display in my house. i have boxes full of unfinished projects that will never see the light of day because they just don't appeal to me. (stuffed pumpkins, painted snowmen, toilet paper holders) i don't think i am the only one that feels this way. last month was birthday card making. the attendance was poor; it was mostly members of the presidency and two other sisters and a laurel. we were supposed to make six cards but i barely made it through two.

i need some ideas for crafts that will appeal to a wider relief society audience. please please please do not suggest word tiles. i think word tiles are a great idea. i have a fantastic one in my house. but we have done them. and then we did them some more. and i don't want to beat a dead horse.

i would like suggestions for people that were not born craft-tastically able. we need simple, inexpensive, projects. ones that will allow for friendships to be formed and conversations to flow. isn't that what these meetings are all about?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

that other famous person from blue springs

david cook is from blue springs, mo. my hometown. i few people have asked if i know him. well, i attended blue springs south high school. so did david cook. i was in the forensics program. so was david cook. i sang in the choir. so did david cook(much better than me obviously). i graduated in 1998. he graduated in 2000. with all these close connections, i don't have any recollection of him. a few very fuzzy memories, maybe? i think that if you asked him if he knew that other famous person from blue springs, heidi beck, i am sure that he was give a say of course!

Thursday, March 06, 2008

high school reunion blues

my 10 year high school reunion is coming up on may 31. i did not attend my 5 year reunion. i have mixed emotions about this subject. about a year ago i was sort of excited. the thought of getting together with people i used to hang out with was appealing. about a month ago i made the realization that the thought is a bit appalling. i have had very minimal contact the my non-church high school friends. i have reconnected with a few on facebook and i have felt very content with that extent of friendship renewal. chit chatting with (probably drunk) strangers holds limited appeal for me.
pros for attending the reunion-
1. it is at royals stadium. there should be a fireworks display.
2. the weather should be pleasant.
3. i will probably get a new outfit.
4. i will get to see how people turned out. do we have any criminals in the bunch?

1. the person that i used to be 10 years ago is the same person that i am now. i really don't think that i have changed much. i think the biggest change is that i am very publicly proud of who i am now whereas before i felt secretly proud of who i was. insecurities put such a damper on the whole high school experience for me. everyone experienced the sheep mentality of high school. don't deny it. i often did my own thing, but still feared public ridicule and scorn from my classmates. ridicule and scorn don't bother me much now. i am confident in who i am. i just don't want to waste my time dealing with the people that revert back to their high school social roles as soon as they are around their former classmates.

what are all y'alls thoughts? are you going to your reunion? would you go if the opportunity presented itself? have you already been? what were your experiences?

Thursday, February 07, 2008

now what?

now that governor romney has ended his presidential campaign, what do i do? i am a registered republican and i am proud of that fact. the republican party resounds strongly with my core beliefs. while both john mccain and mike huckabee are registered republicans, i do not trust either of them as far as i can spit. i have read in many other blogs and columns that some republican are considering a vote for barack obama or hilary clinton. i CANNOT do that. it is against who i am. why would i give my vote to 2 people who are immensely liberal to avoid voting for the most liberal of republicans? i think all three will sink the country. at least while bill clinton was president back in the 90s, we had the luxury of a republican controlled congress. bill was so concerned about being popular that he was easily swayed by congress.
so my question is this, fellow republicans, now what? shall we all write in on our ballots thomas sowell or condoleeza rice? we must vote for it is our right and privilege, but who for?

this cartoon sums up a lot of my feelings toward the barack obama campaign. do his constituents know that he was voted by his fellow congressmen the number 1 most liberal member of congress? perhaps that is the appeal for some of his supporters, but i have heard too many say, "barack rocks!", "he has a great personality!", and what a "moving and charismatic speaker". true, his commercials are very passionate and he has an incredibly engaging voice. but, we're electing a president here folks, not hiring a motivational speaker at a teamworking retreat. in the same poll, hilary wasn't far behind with a #16 ranking. are we doomed?