Sunday, September 09, 2012

happy girls are the prettiest



unfortunately, even though i am 32 years old, have a wonderful husband, 3 great kids, am a (mostly) productive citizen in our society, both ridiculously smart and ridiculously humble, i still get hung up on the number written on the inside of my pants. not just hung up, but that stupid little number that only indicates fit and not self-worth, can really hammer me mentally. i bought a pair of jeans this week that fit me well but i almost didn't buy them because they weren't the size that i deemed okay for me to wear. it's embarrassing to publicly admit that. it makes me so angry because i am a happy and fulfilled person, dang it! i hate being mentally unhealthy, especially when i know i have my girls looking at me and i never, ever(ever!) want them to feel this way. when i was in college i dated a guy who told me that he wouldn't marry me unless i got plastic surgery on my nose. not even my chest(which we at least be remotely understandable being that we live in a world where breast implants are as ubiquitous as cell phones and hot pockets), but my nose!!! and the absolutely worst part of it is that i actually contemplated it. talk about a low point in my life. if anyone ever says something like this to one of my kids i would knock them into next week. i definitely approve of maternal violence as the antidote for cruel comments. for years i couldn't look in a mirror without staring at my nose and wondering if it was worse than it really was. i never thought there was anything wrong with my nose until that point. it was a lot of wasted, useless thinking. thinking that imprinted itself on my brain that i still occasionally refer to. 

but, i'm not doing that anymore. 

 i starting training for another half marathon recently and i discovered something. when i look like this:
i feel awesome. better than awesome, i feel amazing. i don't care about my nose, i don't care about my stomach overhang, i don't care about being slow or the fact that i'm panting like a dog hanging out the window of a moving vehicle. all my appearance issues are put in perspective. i have been blessed with an incredible body and i am using it. i know that i am being healthy. it's the best kind of medicine for me. i stink like dead fish because i sweat like a hairy man on the bayou, but i don't care. exercise makes me happy. and "happy girls are the prettiest." audrey hepburn



the end

108 comments:

Rachel@ A Little Bit of Ray said...

Great post! I feel the same way. It's so hard when you get a size in your head but you're not that size. Then you workout, get red-faced(I do too) and feel like Wonder Woman! I feel so much better about myself when I set fitness goals. It's even better when I reach them! Plus also, I don't get the whole nose job thing.

Julie said...

Seriously?? What the heck is wrong with your nose?
Love those pictures of your cute girls.
And I like your writing too.

amanda said...

I love this. I don't ever want my daughter to think about herself the way I have.
I decided I wasn't going to look at size anymore, just the way I look in it.
And I have always thought you had a cute nose.
You are a wonderful person and amazing mother.

Laura said...

Great post Heidi!! You are not alone girl. You're amazing and beautiful and whoever that guy was that told you to get a nose job is was an idiot.

Marci said...

You are so wise...and so well spoken. When I first saw that photo of you...all sweaty and panting...I thought, "How cool that she will post photos like this" because I am lame and wouldn't think of it. I also thought, "She just ran 6.5 miles!! She is amazing!"

You are you know...amazing.

caramelchica said...

beautiful girls! I constantly have to revise my inner narrative regarding my weight and clothing size. I'm also training for my 3rd half marathon and it's really helped to have goals and accomplishments that aren't related to how I look. My goal is to finish under 2.5hrs.

lrbodine said...

Wow that guy would never even have taken me out since my nose is definitely not sma! I used to be so self conscious of it due to being made fun of while u was growing up. But I realize now that God made me this way and it's part of my character and I need to embrace it. I too want my girls to have a healthy self confidence about who they are and how they look and be proud of it and who they are on the inside as well! And you do rock! I still haven't ventured past 3 miles since having my little guy!!

Jessica said...

which idiot wanted you to get a nose job??? that is just crazy. girl, you're amazing just the way you are. hahaha. {i'm hoping that you're catching the song lyrics allusion there because otherwise that sounds a bit creepy. hahahaha}

and for the record -- YOU were my inspiration to run the half-marathon i'm doing in a couple of weeks. ever since you posted about your first one a few years ago it planted the idea in my head that maybe i could do one, too. you're the bomb diddly dot com, yo! AND your girls are adorable.

Jess said...

I want a nose job so my nose can look like yours!!!! :) I LOVE that pic of Scarlett.

MerciBlahBlah said...

Why oh WHYYYY do we get hung up on numbers? I'm guilty of it too, every single day. It's stupid and I KNOW it's stupid, yet I still do it. And the nose thing? Also stupid. When I was in grade school, some kids called me ski slope because of my nose, and I have been self-conscious of it ever since. There were times I contemplated having a nose job, but talked myself out of it. Now, I guess it's just something I (sort of) accept. Still don't love it, but it's me. The fact that a guy told you that is sheer madness. I'm glad you realize now what a KICKASS woman you are.

kfavre said...

I loved this post.
I share these thoughts with you . And it's a wonderful reminder to read these words.

I'm also with Marci...100%. Amazing.

Will and Natalie Giddens said...

You are awesome. &^%#& is an idiot. I think you're pretty special. And as we know, I am never wrong.

Kristen said...

For the record, you inspired me to run my first half and Jessica inspired me to quilt. Thank goodness for that nasty hamburger scented apartment in The Colony and the interwebs for keeping us in touch!

Stacey said...

Loved this post!! I agree with you, I wish I could stop getting upset about the numbers on the scale and just focus on being healthy!! (But my sugar cravings also need to be kept under control, then maybe the scale would move!) Haha! I also love seeing how many other people you have inspired to run, you were also my inspiration!! I found your blog right around the time I started running and loved reading about your races. I'm going to run the Full KC Marathon in October, and I have you to thank!!

Alexis said...

Good for you for working hard! I always feel better after a good workout. I just need my motivation back! Maybe tomorrow... haha.

Alexis

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