Monday, December 26, 2011

i clean up pretty well

hurray for christmas sunday. normally holidays and sundays aren't my favorite combination, but christmas always works for me on sunday. it just feels perfect to me. church, presents and stuffing my face. i was watching harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2 on sunday afternoon whilst sprawled out on the couch and for i minute i felt like i needed to check my pulse to make sure i hadn't died. it was that nice of a sunday. 
dress- banana republic
belt- dillards
shirt- miley cyrus via wal-mart
shoes- jessica simpson

21 weeks:

and remember this?


this may be the all time worst picture of me of all time forever and ever amen. let's break it down:
1. my greasy chin
2. my greasy hair
3. my 2008 5k long sleeve t shirt. my worst 5k time ever because i had lost my ipod and it was about 17 degrees outside. i was wearing shorts.
4. the fact that i have no upper lip.
5. my glasses. that girl in 7th grade who told me i was in a nerd herd was right. (rachel bahr, her initials are MD)
6. the utter shock registering on my face. this is the last thing i expected thomas to surprise me with. he never fails to surprise. surprising is one of his talents. 
roll tide!

Monday, December 12, 2011

1989 called and they want their sweater dress back

things i'm not a fan of:
1. sweater dresses(stretch out too quickly. cling to all the wrong places. head to toe pilling)
2. horizontal stripes across my hips and stomach(for the obvious reasons)
3. midi length skirts(my calves are one of my widest points)

BUT for $6 and when nothing else fits, i'll try it. just for funnsies. which normally isn't a good thing. buying just to buy or buying cheap stuff i'm not sure about when i could put the money towards something i actually like for just a little more money drive me nuts. i'd rather have less in my closet that i love than tons of stuff that was $6 and that's the only reason i bought it. it's like getting a mcdonald's hamburger for cheap and then feeling gross all afternoon or getting the red robin bleu ribbon burger(topped with onion straws!) for a few bucks more and being happy for about a week afterward. 

dress- old navy
booties- target

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

baby i was born to sway

one of my favorite people on earth(bratalie, in order to maintain anonymity) has a special knack for mishearing lyrics. my all time favorite mistake is the very popular song by garth brooks, "the river" where mr. brooks encourages us to "sell our investments"(sail my vessel). i just love to butcher a song and sing the wrong thing on purpose. together we are a delightful saturday night at the karaoke bar. 

can you guess the songs behind these lyrics?

like a twister i was born to wear cologne

there's a bathroom on the right

excuse me while i kiss this guy

big pimpin', spinach and cheese

ls t-shirt- gap
jacket- target
jeans-gap  forever skinny
booties- target

i really like my legs in these pictures(i actually like this whole outfit. honestly, 50% of the time i really am not thrilled with what i am wearing. everything is mostly attempts, rather than successes.). i've never worn these jeans like this before. they are 34 inch inseam and so i always need to roll or cuff them to make them wearable. today i simply paired them with platform booties and then cuffed them under. i think that combination really gives a nice elongating look. i look much taller than 5'5 in this picture. yay me!

ps- funny or cry. i was running errands yesterday while wearing a pair of pants that required elastic band love to keep them together(like all my pants these days). as i was in the grocery store i thought to myself, "man, these pants aren't snug at all. in fact they feel really comfortable and have felt great ALL DAY." and then i looked down and realized that my pants were visibly unzipped and my poor little elastic was holding on for dear life and probably had been all day. hence the comfort. ignorance is bliss.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

for the love of zack freaking morris

i've already opened my christmas present from my mother. i picked out some things when she was visiting in october and then i decided i just need to wear them. why not? spring could come really early this year and i will be big as a house in march. faux fur should be worn now. carpe fur! i'll leave the christmas surprises to thomas. like the year i got a foosball table. banner surprise.
in pregnancy news, i can't drink hot chocolate anymore nor can i eat fudge. they both make me sick. fluxing the reflux. it's a travesty. for the love of zack freaking morris! and i had to give up a dress i really like to wear in winter. i put it on for our final attempt at family pictures yesterday and my burgeoning belly made it about 3 inches too short for comfort or class. same goes for this skirt i wore today. i had to pull it so high to cover my stomach it's practically a bra. no need to wear 2 bras when i don't even need 1 in the first place.

sweater- ann taylor loft
skirt- banana republic
shoes- jessica simpson

i guess this means i'm about to break down and buy some *gasp* new clothes. 

the new clothes might even qualify as maternity clothes. 

my simple easy ridiculously make-able fudge:
6oz semi-sweet chocolate chips
6oz milk chocolate chips
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 stick of BUTTER
cup of baby marshmallows or fluff(can be optional)
melt in microwave

Monday, November 28, 2011

celebrity firing squad

if you could shoot any "celebrity" with a hard-tipped dart(please. this is a family show), who would it be?
just off the top of my head:

1. anyone from jersey shore
2. urban meyer
3. katherine heigl (i got you merciblahblah. she BUGS.)
4. miley cyrus
5. ben affleck
6. jon stewart
7. kristen stewart
8. ashlee simpson

and this pregnancy has made me shy away from pattern mixing, which is normally one of my favorite things on earth. i also haven't really enjoyed nutella or meat products. 
this is as wild as i get these days:
cardigan- kohl's
dress- chadwick's
shoes- jessica simpson

speaking of impaling kristen stewart, i had lukewarm thoughts on the breaking dawn bella swan wedding dress. 

i think these photos from alfred angelo website are much more flattering than the gown on kristen stewart in the movie. mostly because, unlike ms. stewart,  this model has hips and bosoms. (or boozies if you talk like my sister.) i think the secret to this dress being successful is having a body in which to adequately fill it out. 
otherwise i thought it looked like a stretch satin gymnastical leotard on almost bony kristen stewart. 

the back was pretty, but i still don't like the stretch satin with the lace. any other fabric would have been a big improvement. 

final note:
i guest-posted on i dream of anthropologie!!! and i even sound positive!!! sorry i'm such a drag. really, being a drag seems to be my schtick. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

heidi bundy

jacket- target
blouse- thrifted
jeans- gap forever skinny(HAHAHAHA)
shoes- steve madden

secrets revealed:

 please tell me you know and have utilized this trick. you don't even have to be preg. it's perfect for holiday parties. 

a numerical breakdown of today:
16 week baby squashing my bladder
ran 3.1 miles this morning
made 2 dozen brownies. need to make about 4 dozen more brownies for young women in excellence at church tonight
20 pages read in a book about magical animals that i was embarassed to check out from a librarian at the liberry whom i refer to as professor tat because of his harry potter glasses, polo shirts and sleeve tattoos. not my most creative nickname but it works in a pinch.
paid $10.20 in fines at the liberry this morning just so i could check out aforementioned embarrassing book.
2 brownies snitched from the church pile, because brownies are one thing i am very good at making.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

sweat shop

these are the sweatpants i have worn 5 out of 7 days a week for the last 10 weeks. i love them. i have become a stereotype and i don't care who knows it. i was even able to ride my bike to the park with the kidlets and go down the slide without showing my bizness to the world. so, maybe sweatpants aren't of the devil. 

scarf- express
cardigan- old navy
t shirt- target
sweaties- spalding
sneaks- converse via target

and after not liking anything for sale anywhere(the worst morning sickness side effect) here are a few things that have thrilled my eye in the past week or so:

talbots. you had me at houndstooth. i want to get this and hostess a christmas party. but not do any of the work or planning. i'll just direct the merry maids and the caterers. 

and it is my goal is to not look like i am wearing maternity clothes. because 99% of maternity clothes are ugly. UGLY. par example:
i find the belly ruching completely unnecessary. yes, i am gigantic. let's emphasize it with a strategically placed waistband and pleating.

but this is acceptable. even the horizontal stripes are flattering. (most likely because she weighs 98lbs pre-maternity.)
Image 1 of ASOS Maternity Exclusive Red Skinny Jean

or this:

Image 1 of ASOS Maternity Exclusive Midi Skirt In Lace Print

Image 1 of ASOS MATERNITY Button Back '60s Swing Dress

and this is my idea of a diaper bag:

and one of the most inspirational thrifters is know. diana von furstenburg at a thrift store? somehow deb found it. 
this is great post on all the fantastic brands she found thrifting: i dream of anthropologie
and she's cute.

Monday, November 07, 2011


so, in the last 10ish weeks i've been MIA. and i have several really really good reasons. 

1. i am great with child. 15 weeks this wednesday. i've been tired like you wouldn't believe. i've worn sweatpants a LOT. 

2. i have had the sinus infection that just wouldn't quit. for 3 solid weeks.
seriously. i finally broke down and went to a doctor today. dr. long hong. i kid you not.that's his real name. feel free to giggle or cringe. he prescribed me some pills that i would not sell on the street for $1 million dollars, so don't ask. i can't wait for my face to hit the pillow tonight.

3. i just knew the kardashian/humphries marriage was doomed from the git go. i found it so hard to think of posting trivial things when something this monumental was falling apart. who is next, khloe and lamar? say it ain't so! it made me so sick that couldn't tell if my gagging was due to morning(all day) sickness or the complete waste of time and money and space and energy and clothing that anything related to the kardashian sisterhood unreality is. and yet i'm STILL talking about them.  

if we're facebook friends, you've already heard my thoughts on the impending kardashian divorce:
"never trust a big butt and a smile." -bel biv devoe

BUTT(so punny) that being said, one of my favorite saturday night live sketches of late has been the lampooning the the kardashian sisters. i even laughed at kristen wiig this week, whom i do not find funny. at all. and i know i'm alone in that opinion. and that's fine.

4. i'm bizzy. and i like to read and that takes up a lot of time. but i have a BRILLS bookish idea for a blog post series. i'll enjoy it. you prob won't. i still do it anyway. 

the end. 

Thursday, September 15, 2011

hurray for nothing!

you already love peopleofwalmart:

your midafternoon internet break is awkward family photos:

eye spy-

still haven't found it yet? keep looking...

and cake wrecks makes me feel better every day:

but, the lords of facebook(and you meredith) have just turned me onto, you are not a photographer. it is brilliant! and hilarious! and everything you have been thinking about some of those extra-special "photographers" out there.

because everyone needs a picture with the focal point being there lower buttocks. lovely and slimming!
The photographer went for the natural looking pose. Not awkward in the slightest. Seriously, how do they think of these types of poses?

I hate it when people force their babies into perfectly (not-so) good pictures of trees. 

no words:
Nothing flatters a pregnant woman more than being posed with a pig in her underwear. 


Sunday, September 04, 2011

lay it on me

my house is still a ol' big mess. we have been in almost a month and i still have boxes everywhere and nothing whatsoever hanging on the walls. and i simply don't care!
 i've been just plain crabby lately. my family is so blessed. thankfully, i have a few friends i can vent my unimportant annoyances to through text, email or facebook and they don't think less of me. (maybe they do, who knows?) but here's you lucky day. i'm turning on the anonymous comment option and you can voice your grievances here. feel free to not be anonymous too. lay it on me. tell me what is bugging you in your life. commiserate with me.
need some ideas?
DON'T tell me about your secret gambling addiction.
DO tell me about how you hate when large vehicles take up TWO parking spaces in the grocery store parking lot. if you have dualies on your truck you STILL need to be able to park in one space or go park way out by no one else.

need another example?
here's a personal fave: it drives me nuts when i see parents with small children in restaurants or public places(movie theaters are the worst!) late at night and the kid is going crazy screaming bloody murder because the kid is TIRED! and the parents are clueless as to what the problem is and they are just yelling at them to behave. just an fyi- most kids need at least 10 hours of sleep a night.
see, i already feel better. being a know-it-all has it's perks.

lounging in my office. the one without toilet paper.

lounging on my new bookshelves. that will forever live inside these boxes so that they will always be in perfect condition.

 i specifically planned this outfit around 2 stipulations:

1. i don't wear white sandals after labor day. it's insignificant rule but i simply think it's a good idea. i like to be seasonally appropriate. (winter white is a completely different topic for another day.)
2. i had to wear blue in celebration of the BYU football victory over ole miss. i am big on football rituals and i always wear a corresponding color on sunday to commemorate one of my team's triumphs. i have a nice black and white houndstooth print fabric ready to be made into something for when alabama beats auburn this year. i am also a prophetess.

Friday, September 02, 2011

note to self: get gel seat

my latest accessory:
ta DA! if anyone was a little unsure of my status as queen nerd, this bike helmet solidifies it! throw in my sweat towel tucked into my sports bra strap and i will never be unthroned.

i went biking(outside, on a trail) for the first time ever with some babes this morning. whilst i've been an avid cycle class attendee for about 5 years now, i haven't really ridden an actual bike to an actual location on actual pavement since i was twelve years old when my best friend emily clark and i would race down moreland school road at breakneck speeds, weaving in and out of traffic, just to go spend out meager funds on stale candy at circle k. later, there was a nice shooting at that very same circle k. and that is why i will never let my kids do anything fun, ever.
i digress.
actual safe, law-abiding biking was really fun and a nice change up to my exercise routine.
due to my history of falling off things, i was a little nervous about falling off my bike or riding off the trail. i did run right into a sign and a bumped into a fence, but at least i stayed on.

while south carolina is incredibly beautiful, nobody's bum looks good squished on a bike from behind. furthermore, i really need to go buy a gel seat cover. i was hitting high notes every time i hit a bump.

thanks to jenna for risking her life and taking this picture of me pedaling really fast.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

more wasted space

while i hate to devote any more internet space to the kardashians, i just can't allow "america's non-royal wedding" to happen and not comment on that rhinestone and spanx debacle. it's against my nature.

the GOOD:
i love kim's headpiece. i've always wanted to wear gems like that on my forehead. i think this is an actual original and daring choice. cue the applause.
Kim Kardashian Wedding Pic

versus celine dion, my queen, who looks like a bedazzled klingon.

NEW PIC: Kim Kardashian's Wedding Dress -- More Details!
but i'll say it until i am blue in the face. i am tired of strapless gowns. TIRED AND SICK. if you've got limitless fund and are a personal friend of vera wang i expect something a little more interesting. however, i may have gouged my eyes out with a  spoon if she had gone for her signature one-shoulder dress overkill. so we'll call it a draw.

the BAD:
bruce jenner- while i commend his plastic surgery corrections and his new stylish haircut, i think earrings on men are a major NO NO!

because you will look like you are taking style tips from jon gosselin,

and vanilla ice, 

and kevin federline.
and that's just gross.

the planets have aligned and average people like you and me now no longer have to run over to frederick's of hollywood to buy clothes to look like a kardashian. the kardashian kollection is available at your local sears(the repeated use of the letter K makes me uncomfortable. especially when someone decides to deem something "kountry". yikes. thank your lucky stars it isn't the kardashian clothing kollection. oy vey!)
my fave kardashian kollection items:
Kardashian Kollection Oversized Vintage Clear Sunglasses With Enamel Detailing
Kardashian Kollection Women's Shoe Dallas Black

the worst:
a sparkly high school sewing project gone awry
Kardashian Kollection Women's Leopard Print Sequin Harem Pants

the bustier print t-shirt:
Kardashian Kollection Women's Metallic Corset Print Tee
which is way too close to this lovely item i have seen sported at my wal*mart and local tractor pull:
happy weekend!