Saturday, April 28, 2012

my latest accessory

i had a baby on monday. what did you do this week?

if you're interested in hearing the full story, you can read it by clicking here on my family blog. i don't use the words gush, mucus plug or placenta. i don't even mention the part where i chop up my placenta and eat it with cheesy grits the next day. if you aren't interested, that's fine too. i've had to pretend to be interested in many a birthing story and felt my eyes glaze over and my head nod off. 

and since it's my 32nd birthday, here's a little blast from the past from when i was 21. my roommates and i were on our way to the local "club"(term used loosely) as a joke and my roommates and i put together these FANTASTIC party outfits complete with iron-on letters and tastefully placed rips and tears. i had the misfortune of running face first into the circus make up truck. nothing like a classy and tasteful mid-calf blue pleather skirt. 

hurray for babies!

Friday, April 20, 2012

i like big guts and i cannot lie

and that's exactly what my husband said to me right before he took this picture:
38 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 34 minutes

i'd really like to slap him sometimes but i'm usually laughing too hard. he kills me. it also kills me that i colored my hair lighter 3 weeks ago to cover my excessive grays and he didn't notice. i re-colored my hair darker yesterday to try and cover my excessive grays again because the first color only highlighted my pre-mature graying and he still didn't notice. i'd really like to go on a major shopping spree but that is the one thing he would definitely notice. 

this dress is this dress from old navy. nice and stretchy and perfect for someone whose clothes no longer fit but they don't want to buy more maternity clothes. (ME!) i bought this in my regular size. i'm looking forward to it covering my post-baby tummy. ANY DAY NOW. i've already perused some nice spanx too. i just can't wait to wear normal clothes. 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

bring on the baby

the baby's room is pretty much as good as it's going to get. with no budget and no energy, i did my best.


my unhelpful helper:

and after:
the kids painted the artwork above the bed. they wanted to contribute and every other suggestion they had was messy or going to destroy something i had worked hard on. the giant blanket on the crib i found on clearance at target is actually for me to use in the middle of the night when i fall asleep in my recliner. i still need to find a baby blanket but i can't find anything i like. i have my eyes peeled for something in coral. peel your eyes too.

the pillow has been on my couch for the last 3 years and the recliner was a gift from thomas for my birthday when i was pregnant with scarlett and i couldn't sleep lying down. i love it. 
lamp was on the clearance aisle at hobby lobby for $7 and i painted it watermelon pink. which was really big for me. i only chose pink because they didn't have coral. just orange. which is not coral. i also painted the mirror watermelon pink. that mirror has been wooden, white, black and now pink. part of me wants to redo it in gold. but i'm way tired of projects so that might be for next year. the small framed picture is miracle of the gulls by minerva teichert(my FAVE artist!)

and the big framed picture is of the bountiful temple where thomas and i were married. 

the sheets are actually lime green diamond pattern. from target. natch. 

i still need to find a large wicker basket for toys.

and this is where the dresser is hidden:

that's it. simple. inexpensive. perhaps i'll also find a nice simple shag rug. who knows, i'm just glad this project didn't kill me. because i do not enjoy projects.

Friday, April 06, 2012

tell me sweet little lies

'Lay off her!' Tori Spelling has come forward to defend Jessica Simpson and her pregnancy weight gain

i saw a comment that sarah palin made when she was asked how she would respond to people who had been so critical about jessica simpson's pregnancy weight gain. i thought it was perfect and brilliant. "i would have wanted to punch jessica's critics in the neck. it's none of anybody else's business how much weight i would gain."


things you just shouldn't say to anyone, especially to pregnant women:
i've been guilty of plenty of these, but now i know better

1. "you're huge." "you're about to pop." "you look 10 months pregnant." would you say that to an overweight person? why is it okay to remark on the size of a pregnant person?

2. "are you sure you're not having twins? really, because you're huge." don't EVER disbelieve a woman when she tells you how many babies she is carrying. it's just another way of saying, "you look fat." if i ever get brave enough i would like to respond with "how high is your blood pressure? when's the last time you ate a vegetable that wasn't breaded and deep-fried?" "is your neck size the same as your waist size?"

3. "you shouldn't be eating that." "you're definitely eating for 2." "you know you only need about 300 extra calories to support a baby." let's not draw attention to the amount of food a woman must sometimes consume in order to support a baby. for some women, eating is the only way to combat sickness. 

4. "you look exhausted!" yes, a pregnant woman probably does look tired. it's really hard to sleep with heartburn, swollen appendages, and a baby crushing your lungs. thanks for pointing out that my face is also suffering. just say i look great, even if i don't. 

5. "you have a boy and a girl? i guess you're done!" don't assume anything about how many children a family should have or want based on gender. one family member actually told me that i was selfish to have any more children after i had my 2nd baby.

6. "were you trying?" gross. really. keep the personal questions for people you know personally. or wait until the information is volunteered.

7. "you're actually naming your baby blythe?" actually, yes i do think i am naming my baby blythe. your job is to respond nicely, even if you don't like the name. i'm pretty vocal about what i don't like in baby naming trends. a favorite past time is mocking celebrity baby names. but, i will tell you that i think "grizelinda" is the best name ever if you think it's the best name ever for your baby. what i name my baby is not contingent on your opinion but after my baby is here and i've named her blythe, in my mind, you will be the jerkface who didn't pretend to like my baby's name. 

8. "when is your baby due?" only ask this question if you are more than 100% sure that someone is pregnant. 

9. "i tore down all the way down to China!" keep the horror stories for girl's night out at the local applebee's. don't try and scare a new mom. there is no victory in having the worst delivery.

10. "so are you getting rid of your dog?" "will you miss coloring your hair?" "are you going to cancel your gym membership?" i've been asked all of these archaic questions. when you ask questions like that, it sounds like you think you know better than the pregnant woman. 

11. "were you using fertility drugs?" does it matter?

and finally, 
hands off!
 especially you, farty old man at wal*mart. a couple of sweet little girls at church always come up and hug my belly. they ask and i like that. they are also under the age of 8. occasionally strangers will come up and try touch my stomach. that's weird and inappropriate. if you don't know someone, don't touch. if you do know someone, ask first. 


Sunday, April 01, 2012

anxiety anxiety baby

 i'm the worst at wasting my free time. it's such a bad habit of mine. when i get "free time" i squander it on lame things rather than fun things. last night thomas was gone and the kids sleeping and i was caught up on most of my chores and i thought i would just enjoy myself by watching all the shows i've got saved on netflix that no one wants to watch with me. like all my british miniseries and bollywood movies that would cause thomas to die on the spot if i ever tried to make him watch. instead though, i flipped on the tv and got out my ironing board and watched the vanilla ice project on the DIY network and ironed shirts. what in the world possessed anyone to put together a show with rob van winkle and his posse of former hip hop miscreants as home improvement experts? and they even threw out a few ice ice baby lyrics as motivation to get the project done. what possessed me to watch it? 
vanilla ice project, rapper rob van winkle host
i could have been watching "daniel deronda" or "the forsyte saga" or "jodhaa akbar" but i was watching this drivel. sometimes i hate myself. i suffer from some sort of problem that doesn't allow me to enjoy my free time. like i should constantly be doing something remotely productive and i can't sit down and enjoy a good show that might even make me smarter or at least not dumber. most people would call that anxiety.

blouse- thrifted
dress- banana republic
shoes- target

35 weeks

 this is my wart. scarlett calls it my wert. this proves i am a witch. warts are a witches calling card. yesterday i bumped it on some produce at publix and it was a huge bloody mess. it's getting better and worse at the same time.