Friday, March 13, 2009

the legolas syndrome

dear robert pattinson,
this is an intervention. i only write this to help you. i think you are suffering from legolas syndrome. this syndrome can be classified as a person who can be found attractive or at least not repulsive in a movie or tv show and then in real life they are bordering on looking homeless or suffering from the bubonic plague. the illness is called legolas syndrome after legolas from the "lord of the rings" movies. i know of many females who felt the need to embrace pointy ears and archery after viewing orlando bloom as legolas.
however, after the LOTR trilogy wrapped, orlando bloom moved on to other endeavors. the box office bust "elizabethtown" was one of them. apparently mr. bloom was so upset by working with kirsten dunst(who wouldn't be?) that he decided to become a mechanic at your local auto body shop as displayed below. hello grease monkey. many girl's hearts were broken and numerous archery sets were returned to the local sporting goods store.

this brings me to you mr. pattinson.
i read the interview you gave in april's GQ. this article mentioned that you showed up looking less than appropriate; "His clothes smell like he has recently purchased them off the back of someone less fortunate than he." this was not the first mention of you showing up in public unwashed. i know that you are european but this does not mean that you need to be euro-trash. i understand the whole crazy hair schtick that you've got going for you and i actually kind of like it, but washing your hair often when you use hair gel is a must. it's right up there in importance with using a bar of soap and brushing your teeth(with toothpaste). you may even come to enjoy showering like the rest of the civilized world.

stylized robert pattinson=good

unwashed miscreant robert pattison=bad
as a supporter of your work, i enjoyed both harry potter and twilight, please please please make some effort in your personal grooming. i promise it will only help your acting efforts. if something doesn't happen soon i fear that you will end up making movies for the lifetime movie network. how do you feel about playing opposite tori spelling in a family drama in which a woman finds out she is actually married to her drug-dealing mafia brother who is also part-time pastry chef???
sincerely, heidiluxe

6 comments:

Becca said...

Oh, that last picture is horrible! I'm glad I'm not famous.

Nicole said...

My sister and I agree!!! What is the matter with him?

Will and Natalie Giddens said...

I think the thing that makes both Orlando and Robert look especially messy is that both of their movie characters, ie, Legolas and Edward, were so CLEAN. That's partly why I liked Legolas so much. He was clean and pretty, not ugly and dirty like all the other LOTR characters. Same goes for Edward. Those Cullens are a clean bunch!

So to see these guys looking unkept in real life is especially disconcerting. More so than when I see someone like Colin Farrell looking like a hobo since most of his movie characters seem the same way. Do you get what I'm sayin?

And thanks for posting on here. I've been wondering what's been on your heidiluxe mind lately. I'm sure there's lots of good stuff where this post came from. Love you!

Erica said...

I am so glad someone else feels the same way. He seems like such a goof ball.

I thought the Twilight movie was laugh out loud silly in some scenes. I do not understand why Robert Pattinson didn't put more effort into making his body look better for the movie. Other actors work out crazy hard for movies. Maby working out hard core is too much effort for someone who has trouble washing his hair.

And the body hair? I never pictured Edward Cullen with half boy/man hair coming out of his shirt.

Livin' Single said...

i totally agree. i didn't wash my hair before church yesterday, and i almost cast myself out of society.
that last pic of him is GROSS. good post, heidi.

Jessica said...

hahahaha. i laughed out loud reading this and then had to read it out loud to scott, too. i totally agree. and yes, that last picture of him is homeless looking.