Tuesday, March 17, 2009

santa vaca dora!

apparently there has been some hub bub in the media about dora the explorer's new look. the article that i read online listed some of the complaints from parents against the tween dora doll.
"dora the street walker"
"a sexed up version of a children's icon"
"a poor example for kids"

are you intrigued yet as to what they've done to dora?

SANTA VACA DORA! you look like a typical 10 year old girl with long hair and cute clothes!!! for shame! i'll never let my daughter play with her now. i can't having her believe that anyone ever grows up!

seriously folks, if we are concerned about a new tween dora with no visible pubescent changes, a covered naval and zero make up, shouldn't we be burning the BRATZ dolls at the stake?

who are the BRATZ dolls being marketed to, tramps in training? the future "pretty women" of the world?

who is supposed to play with these heavily made up, botoxed, lip-injected, alien-faced wastes of good plastic? they've has so much plastic surgery that michael jackson is jealous of their non-existent noses. BRATZ dolls look like VH1's rock of love bus wannabes.
and as for barbie, while she may be quite voluptuous, she still looks employable. barbie has been a vet, an ice cream shop owner, an astronaut, a figure skater, and has served all 4 branches of the military, just to name a few occupations. at least barbie conveys the message that girls can have any occupation they want.
BRATZ are what we really should be in an uproar about. leave dora alone.

Friday, March 13, 2009

the legolas syndrome

dear robert pattinson,
this is an intervention. i only write this to help you. i think you are suffering from legolas syndrome. this syndrome can be classified as a person who can be found attractive or at least not repulsive in a movie or tv show and then in real life they are bordering on looking homeless or suffering from the bubonic plague. the illness is called legolas syndrome after legolas from the "lord of the rings" movies. i know of many females who felt the need to embrace pointy ears and archery after viewing orlando bloom as legolas.
however, after the LOTR trilogy wrapped, orlando bloom moved on to other endeavors. the box office bust "elizabethtown" was one of them. apparently mr. bloom was so upset by working with kirsten dunst(who wouldn't be?) that he decided to become a mechanic at your local auto body shop as displayed below. hello grease monkey. many girl's hearts were broken and numerous archery sets were returned to the local sporting goods store.

this brings me to you mr. pattinson.
i read the interview you gave in april's GQ. this article mentioned that you showed up looking less than appropriate; "His clothes smell like he has recently purchased them off the back of someone less fortunate than he." this was not the first mention of you showing up in public unwashed. i know that you are european but this does not mean that you need to be euro-trash. i understand the whole crazy hair schtick that you've got going for you and i actually kind of like it, but washing your hair often when you use hair gel is a must. it's right up there in importance with using a bar of soap and brushing your teeth(with toothpaste). you may even come to enjoy showering like the rest of the civilized world.

stylized robert pattinson=good

unwashed miscreant robert pattison=bad
as a supporter of your work, i enjoyed both harry potter and twilight, please please please make some effort in your personal grooming. i promise it will only help your acting efforts. if something doesn't happen soon i fear that you will end up making movies for the lifetime movie network. how do you feel about playing opposite tori spelling in a family drama in which a woman finds out she is actually married to her drug-dealing mafia brother who is also part-time pastry chef???
sincerely, heidiluxe