Tuesday, May 20, 2008

fergie ferg

i was running on the treadmill this morning and i nearly fell off when i saw what was happening on the today show.

seriously, bumping and grinding and all sorts of sexual innuendo at 9am. did you check out the front row of viewers? moms and their kids. how many of them do you think were expecting this type of perfomance? despicable. sure, fergie loves the crack whore image. couldn't she have toned it down a tad? you know, for national television viewing?

Monday, May 19, 2008

i don't think you're ready for this jelly

about 2 months ago i stopped nursing. about 1 month ago i was called to be on the ward girl's camp commitee. what's the connection? let me break it down:

1. nursing gives me huge, fantastic boobs. i love them. being a smallish cupped girl, but biggest in my family,(i'll take victories wherever i can) pregnancy and nursing are a dream come true on the breast size front. wearing a fitted t-shirt and not looking like a 11 year old girl is amazing.

2. after all the lactation fun is over, my boobs shrivel into two lopsided sweet potatoes. they are not pretty and i can't afford a boob job...yet.

3. as a member of the girls camp commitee i am required to attend part of girls camp. this will include swimming. i live for a great afternoon at the pool. water is a good thing.

4. our stake camp director has made a rule where ONLY one piece swimsuits are allowed. no tankinis. she doesn't want to see any stomachs whatsoever. even if it is just when you pull the suit up to show everyone your sexyhottt(read saggy, accordian-like) post-baby stomach. yikes. that puts me in a bind. i love tankinis. that's all i own. i think they are a modest girls best friend. they are cute and trendy and the options are endless. now there are more and more one piece swimsuits available in hotter styles, but most of the ones in my price range look like this:

5. due to the aforementioned sweet potato dilemma, i need to find a suit with some better "molding" or "shaping" upstairs, ya dig? something to lift and squish the (now fraternal) twins to their former glory.
6. in all my research, this is one of the few suits that i have found that meets my needs.

*marisa miller's perfect body not included in purchase price
the victoria's secret miracle bra wireless push-up suit. though i don't know how that much cleavage will be more acceptable than a little bit of stomach showing. good thing i don't have that much cleavage. problem solved.