Monday, May 19, 2008

i don't think you're ready for this jelly

about 2 months ago i stopped nursing. about 1 month ago i was called to be on the ward girl's camp commitee. what's the connection? let me break it down:

1. nursing gives me huge, fantastic boobs. i love them. being a smallish cupped girl, but biggest in my family,(i'll take victories wherever i can) pregnancy and nursing are a dream come true on the breast size front. wearing a fitted t-shirt and not looking like a 11 year old girl is amazing.

2. after all the lactation fun is over, my boobs shrivel into two lopsided sweet potatoes. they are not pretty and i can't afford a boob job...yet.

3. as a member of the girls camp commitee i am required to attend part of girls camp. this will include swimming. i live for a great afternoon at the pool. water is a good thing.

4. our stake camp director has made a rule where ONLY one piece swimsuits are allowed. no tankinis. she doesn't want to see any stomachs whatsoever. even if it is just when you pull the suit up to show everyone your sexyhottt(read saggy, accordian-like) post-baby stomach. yikes. that puts me in a bind. i love tankinis. that's all i own. i think they are a modest girls best friend. they are cute and trendy and the options are endless. now there are more and more one piece swimsuits available in hotter styles, but most of the ones in my price range look like this:

5. due to the aforementioned sweet potato dilemma, i need to find a suit with some better "molding" or "shaping" upstairs, ya dig? something to lift and squish the (now fraternal) twins to their former glory.
6. in all my research, this is one of the few suits that i have found that meets my needs.

*marisa miller's perfect body not included in purchase price
the victoria's secret miracle bra wireless push-up suit. though i don't know how that much cleavage will be more acceptable than a little bit of stomach showing. good thing i don't have that much cleavage. problem solved.


Lachelle, Rob & Eliza said...

Well, I actually just ordered the VS miracle push up tankini . .. (same cut as that one piece but with two pieces obviously). I'll have to let you know how it fits! I am always a little scared to buy suits online but definitely need some "extra" help in the boob area! Let me know if you ever find a decent one piece that enhances us small chested women!

Jessica said...

heidi, you are hilarious. this was a fantastical post and made me laugh out loud reading it.

no tankinis at girls camp?? even DT pool allowed those, didn't they?

as far as the twins go, from what i hear they either shrink or sag after nursing children. and while i'm not in the former category, there's still not a whole lot of pretty going on in either one. ya know?

Sarah Beck said...

Yes, this whole--no tankinis--at girls camp sent all my girls in an uproar. None of my girls owned a one-piece. We just told them to wear shirts over their suits and that seemed to solve that problem. Then, one of our volunteer camp chaperones (18 yrs old) showed up in a bikini....THAT caused problems. Good luck---teenage girls are great fun :)

Caroline said...

This is HILLARIOUS! One pieces definately flatten me out more than needed and they just aren't as flattering! I think you need to show up in the bathingsuit in picture #1! HAHA! How long do you have to stay at camp?

amanda said...

I shudder at the thought of one-piece swim suits. Good luck sista.

Lindsey Andersen said...

This suit is "suited" for the not-as-busty-or-lucky ones. And, some colors are on sale... just a thought...