Friday, April 06, 2012

tell me sweet little lies

'Lay off her!' Tori Spelling has come forward to defend Jessica Simpson and her pregnancy weight gain

i saw a comment that sarah palin made when she was asked how she would respond to people who had been so critical about jessica simpson's pregnancy weight gain. i thought it was perfect and brilliant. "i would have wanted to punch jessica's critics in the neck. it's none of anybody else's business how much weight i would gain."


things you just shouldn't say to anyone, especially to pregnant women:
i've been guilty of plenty of these, but now i know better

1. "you're huge." "you're about to pop." "you look 10 months pregnant." would you say that to an overweight person? why is it okay to remark on the size of a pregnant person?

2. "are you sure you're not having twins? really, because you're huge." don't EVER disbelieve a woman when she tells you how many babies she is carrying. it's just another way of saying, "you look fat." if i ever get brave enough i would like to respond with "how high is your blood pressure? when's the last time you ate a vegetable that wasn't breaded and deep-fried?" "is your neck size the same as your waist size?"

3. "you shouldn't be eating that." "you're definitely eating for 2." "you know you only need about 300 extra calories to support a baby." let's not draw attention to the amount of food a woman must sometimes consume in order to support a baby. for some women, eating is the only way to combat sickness. 

4. "you look exhausted!" yes, a pregnant woman probably does look tired. it's really hard to sleep with heartburn, swollen appendages, and a baby crushing your lungs. thanks for pointing out that my face is also suffering. just say i look great, even if i don't. 

5. "you have a boy and a girl? i guess you're done!" don't assume anything about how many children a family should have or want based on gender. one family member actually told me that i was selfish to have any more children after i had my 2nd baby.

6. "were you trying?" gross. really. keep the personal questions for people you know personally. or wait until the information is volunteered.

7. "you're actually naming your baby blythe?" actually, yes i do think i am naming my baby blythe. your job is to respond nicely, even if you don't like the name. i'm pretty vocal about what i don't like in baby naming trends. a favorite past time is mocking celebrity baby names. but, i will tell you that i think "grizelinda" is the best name ever if you think it's the best name ever for your baby. what i name my baby is not contingent on your opinion but after my baby is here and i've named her blythe, in my mind, you will be the jerkface who didn't pretend to like my baby's name. 

8. "when is your baby due?" only ask this question if you are more than 100% sure that someone is pregnant. 

9. "i tore down all the way down to China!" keep the horror stories for girl's night out at the local applebee's. don't try and scare a new mom. there is no victory in having the worst delivery.

10. "so are you getting rid of your dog?" "will you miss coloring your hair?" "are you going to cancel your gym membership?" i've been asked all of these archaic questions. when you ask questions like that, it sounds like you think you know better than the pregnant woman. 

11. "were you using fertility drugs?" does it matter?

and finally, 
hands off!
 especially you, farty old man at wal*mart. a couple of sweet little girls at church always come up and hug my belly. they ask and i like that. they are also under the age of 8. occasionally strangers will come up and try touch my stomach. that's weird and inappropriate. if you don't know someone, don't touch. if you do know someone, ask first. 



Terrie said...

Haha! Having just given birth to a 9lb-7oz baby in December, I can relate to quite a few of those things. I gained the max 35 pounds, but 20 of those came off with the baby! Luckily I didn't have any strangers touch my belly--I have a pretty good "back off" face.

As for Jessica Simpson, she has definitely gained more than 35, but I've noticed that many celebrities get huge when pregnant. Maybe their body overcompensates because they eat such weird diets to stay thin when not pregnant.

Angie said...

Well I'm sure no one has referred to you as looking large, because you're WAY smaller than me and I'm due after you. Everyone asks me when I'm due because it's so obvious, and then then look at me pitifully when they hear it's another two months. I think they're trying to imagine if it's possible to get any larger in two months. :-)

I think Blythe is truly a beautiful name. My sister in law was seriously considering naming her daughter after Bella's vampire baby, and it was really hard not to make a comment, but I kept a straight face the whole time. :-)

lrbodine said...

Amen! Couldn't agree more, I think the best thing to tell pregnant women is how great they look. . . Even if it is a lie! It can make the whole difference in the day. And I couldn't agree more on baby names. It is up to each parents to decide and no one (inlaws included) should voice their thoughts or opinions unless they were asked.

Taylor said...

Ugh! I remember when I was pregnant with my first, the people at work were SO offensive and rude and acted like it was totally okay. It got to the point where I was eating my lunch in the car because I didn't want to deal with the comments. The worst offender was a LARGE lady who didn't have any kids, who would come into the cafeteria while I was eating, grab a Mt Dew and Snickers out of the vending machines, and then ask me, "Are you sure that cheeseburger is healthy for the baby?" She also asked me once if I was "sure there wasn't a watermelon in there?"

(Also for the record, I LOVE the name Blythe! It's unique and beautiful!)

Kaela said...

You are so fabulous!!!! By the way, Blythe is a gorgeous name!!!! And I miss you in young women's....nuff said(: and you look beautiful too(:

Erica said...

Strangers touching a pregnant woman's belly is beyond creepy. Really people? My policy is to keep my mouth shut, period. Blythe is beautiful.

Nicole Bolinger said...

AGREED!! But I do love to know if people we're trying or if it was an accident. I don't know why, I just do! :)

Julianne said...

I am SO happy you are naming your baby Blythe. And now I'm jealous I didn't think of it first. Like, seriously, it's perfection.

I gained 47 and 45 lbs. I hate people during those months. When I was 7 months along with Annie, a man at church asked me if I'd finished off my cookies that morning. I told him no but it looked like he'd finished his doughnuts. Then I walked away.

An old lady at Lowe's came up to me to tell me my children were cute and then to solemnly and emphatically told me two is all anyone should ever have and how upset she is that her granddaughter just found out she's having her 3rd, and why isn't she getting an abortion? An old lady! I was speechless.

I don't like to be told the status of other's trying events. 2 girls at church seem to think I should know about their efforts. All the time.

I walked into a room at 9 months and a lady looked at me, pointed, covered her mouth and started laughing uncontrollably.

My family went to the KC open house with your madre tonight. And they are in love with her. So am I. And I wish I could've gone too.

(And...what's the update on Heather Marie and her small human??)

MerciBlahBlah said...

Ugh - well, I thought all of the asinine questions and comments were reserved for those of us who had multiples, but I stand corrected. I always wondered if people would ask a woman having a single baby if she took fertility treatments to get pregnant, because I can assure you that 9 out of 10 people who find out we have triplets feel it is perfectly fine to ask if we had fertility. One older man even asked, "Did you take drugs to have so many?" Uh, yes sir - we were HOPING for nine so we could knock Jon and Kate off their high-horse, but were sadly disappointed with our measly three. People are ridiculous.

Joy said...

let me tell you, people are idiots. i literally want to shake the stupid out of them, especially when pregnant. and if i heard it once, i heard it a hundred times, "is your blood pressure high? cuz your face looks puffy". come to find out-- preeclampsia does that to a person. especially when you have it twice. although, i didn't have the tummy touching issue. i have a pretty good, touch-and-die look, though.

Javier said...

Very nice blog, follow u, let's follow at each other :)

Molly at Anthromollogies said...

I laughed the whole way through this post. I have BIG babies. I just do. And I can't tell you how many times I get the "are you sure there aren't twins in there?!" comment. So old. Do people forget pregnant women are actually people with feelings, and feelings virulent enough to KILL?!? You truly are looking fabulous. I have a highly opinionated family, and we choose unconventional names, so we keep our baby names to ourselves until delivery. That way, that REALLY look like jerkfaces if they say something negative about them! Ha!

Marci said...

Your sweetest ever mother told me you were naming your baby Blythe. I told her that name was soooo perfect for you and your little babe! However, I am so sad that you decided against Ursula...I was reeeallly hoping it would win out. What about Blythe Ursula Simpson?

Unknown said...

Any weight gained by an individual is a personal matter, until that person chooses to make it a public matter. Jessica Simpson posing her pregnant body in the nude on the cover of Elle magazine kind of takes away the privacy of that, don't you think? I would hardly waste my time and energy defending someone who wants to flaunt themselves in the public like that but then try to redeem some sort of self privacy.

DollHouse said...

My daughter and I ordered a dress from Doll House which was to be custom made. I placed the order on a Monday and was surprised to get a phone call the following Monday to say the dress had arrived it only took eight 8 days. I took the dress home and when I put the dress on my daughter, I realized that had just altered the dress (in store) and found pins still in the side seams. I was so disgusted with their lie when confronted they would not talk to me or acknowledge what they had done. To all you mum’s out there DON’T BUY FROM DOLL HOUSE.

Beverly Houpt said...

I have a feeling I'm going to be the most angry pregnant woman ever. Haha, I don't think I'll even try to be polite if someone does any of these things to me once I'm pregnant.