enough about the royal wedding, let's talk about me!

i wore a hat out to dinner for my birthday in a nod to the british nuptials. thomas was such a good sport. he laughed at me, but proudly held my hand all around downtown.

i found this skirt while thrifting at goodwill on 50% off day. it cost me 2 dolla! i could tell by the weight and construction and the lining that it was kind of a big deal. i googled the tag and figured out that the designer louis feraud is no slouch. so, by default, i'm a pretty big deal too. 

coincidentally, i wore this shirt on my birthday last year too.   

hat- target dollar spot!

t shirt- gap

belt- fossil

skirt- thrifted!

shoes- kristin davis via tjmaxx

bag- gigi hill

 and fellow south carolinian fashion bloggers julie of everyday embellishments and mandy of simplicity and reality both own this hat too. so if you visit south carolina anytime soon, be prepared to have women wearing very large hats hit you in the forehead with the brim.

and this morning was my doppleganger kate middleton's little wedding.

 while i was pulling for a victoria beckham designed gown,(i have a winnebago-sized girl crush on posh) i am quite pleased with the end result. and kate didn't even consult me. though i was a little underwhelmed with the gown, i'm so glad she went with something classic and princess grace inspired and avoided the strapless gown overkill that we have seen in the last few years. but wouldn't something with feathers been fun too?

but i guess her cartier diamond tiara was alright too. i bet after the ceremony she went and inhaled a big, drippy philly cheese steak. i know i would have. actually thomas and i stopped at mcdonald's after we got married because there was a traffic jam on I-15 and we were both starving. we're classy like that.

my fave gown was worn kate's sister pippa. so elegant! very smart! the best look of the day.

and i'm a TOTAL sucker for uniforms. sometimes i get swoony when the garbage man is wearing his monogrammed work shirt. a uniform even helped prince harry to shrug off that red-headed-step-child-i'd-rather-be-getting-plastered look that he often sports.

oh! how did this little gem sneak in there?

so young. so dumb. so in love.

i'm not a woman anymore, i'm a mom!

i busted out the shorts for the first time this year. and i remember why i prefer wearing skirts. i just don't find knee length shorts that attractive on me. these are my favorite pair and i did pay full price for them ($50! on a gift card. but still. i gagged a little.). that is a heck of a lot of money for shorts in my book. but they met my knee length needs. and the pockets flatter my backyard. i actually bought them on my 28th birthday, 3 years ago. so i guess this is our anniversary together. i will eat much cake to celebrate.

blouse- charlotte russe

vest- wal*mart

belt- gap

shorts- gap

sandals- bakers

and because this clip NEVER EVER EVER gets old:

happy birthday to me!

(i hope you got the joke of the title.)

a book look

i hosted book club last night. i normally don't do this sort of thing. hosting gives me anxiety. cooking for other people is not my cup of tea. and cleaning my house with kids is a joke. i think jerry seinfeld said it best, "a two year-old is like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."

so i did what i do best, i put together my most bookish, yet summery outfit. then i winged all the hospitality stuff. i hit up costco and bought all the stuff that i can never justify, like tequila lime wings and lobster ravioli. and i do make delicious box mix brownies.

this was at 11 o'clock last night after everyone left. fresh as a pig in slop.

t shirt- gap

belt- gap

skirt- banana republic

sandals- bakers

best of both worlds

some days i just have a lot of randomisms running around my head.

*i'm watching hannah montana: the movie. by choice. banality can really be soothing when i have a lot to do. there sure is a lot of hair whipping in this movie.

*everything was 50% off at goodwill today. naturally it was extra smelly too. there was a lady walking around without shoes. only my girl britney can pull that off in public. 

*i think a knotted shirt is my new thang dawg.

*when will i ever cut my hair? it's been since july. it's multisyllabic ga-ah-ross.

*sometimes when i am out running, i like to create scenarios in my head where i have to save the town because the cell towers all go down and the power is out and we are on the edge of a natural disaster and i have to run to the closest park to save the day. it TOTALLY works. i was 90 seconds under my best 7 mile time last week.

t shirt- downeast basics

dress- wal*mart

shoes- amanda smith via meier and frank

whoomp

there it is! right under the pleats on my dress. about 3243 pounds of easter candy. and some barbeque with spicy carolina sauce.

blouse- dillards

dress- tulle

belt- new york and company

shoes- kristin david via tjmaxx

and scarlett-

dress- COSTCO! $7. boom.

sandals- target

and this is sort of a hard dress to style. plus, it's linen. satan's fabric. it makes me swear because it begs to be ironed. (i actually don't believe there is an official fabric of satan. one time i commented that linen is satan's fabric and then i had to clarify on my stance against linen. someone asked me if mormon's really believed that satan cursed linen. we don't. now you know. but don't get me started on acetate!) i've only ever worn this dress one other time and i pretty much wore it the same way. and that's fine. somethings are good on their own. overstyling can be a curse, right? so can hollow-eared chocolate bunny rabbits. the curse of my thighs.

POCKETS!

day and night

lunch downtown:

cardigan- target

scarf-?

button up-JCP

jeans- gap forever skinny

shoes- target

and SALSA DANCING! that night :

false eyelashes and everything! thomas thought i looked like i had been punched since i had caked on the make-up. and i replied, "not yet! the night is still young and no one has made a move on my man yet!!!"

 i'm not sure what is all over my camera lens.

jacket- target

t shirt- target

scarf- express

jeans- target

shoes- jessica simpson

chopping block

since i decided last week to do a closet purge, i've been trying to wear some of the fence-sitters to decide which pile to put them in. this shirt and cropped sweater are both candidates for the chopping block:

by afternoon i had lost the sweater(but added bracelets! will wonders never cease?) and switched out my shoes. because i really really hate wearing flats unless absolutely neccessary.

t shirt- lauren conrad for kohl's

cropped sweater- kohl's

skirt- thrifted(and hemmed! finally!)

flats and wedges- target

i was tagged by lissa of from lissa...with love to post 10 things i love. which i find ironic because i am much better at posting things i hate. really. when i am in my worst moods is when i am really in the mood to blog. so, i am summoning all the hearts and flowers and bright copper kettles and 50% of shoes sales i can think of  and present to you:

10 things i love

1. mellow mushroom pizza. it's my all time favorite pizza. even with the perpetually half-baked, unwashed staff.

2. richard armitage. the best thing to come out of britain since wonky teeth, unintelligible accents and adding the letter E to common words: ye olde worlde malt shoppe

3. modern family- i am claire dunphy

4. turquoise jewelry- especially this troop beverly hills/phyllis nefler gem:

5. young adult fiction/movies- if it involves an ugly duckling becoming a swan and a chance to go to the prom with the most popular guy at school, then i am all over it like white on rice on a paper plate with a cup of milk in a snowstorm.

6. lucite furniture- i don't own any yet, but my dream office includes a ghost chair like this:

7. asiago cheese bagels with sundried tomato cream cheese- the bomb diggity

8. "where are they now?" or "before they were stars!" headlines on tv or tabloid magazines. or those pictures of famous people's cellulite or their faces without make up. like they are animals in a zoo.

9. catching spelling errors in professional publications. nerd heaven!!! one time an author used the word "quaff" when she really needed to use the word "coif"! i rode that pony for months!

10. bill hader- pretty much the best part of SNL.

i'm a fraud

on monday we had doctor's appointment and i always feel the need to dress as respectably and maturely as possible. no print mixing, no heels, no big crazy hair, no t-shirts with obnoxious words(since offensive is my style). my kids used to go to a pediatrician who made me feel inadequate and it gave me a complex about my appearance in a professional setting. now i always want to look as "mrs.cleaver" as possible to lend me some credibility. but in reality, i'm a fraud. understated just isn't my thang dawg.

i should have added pearls to this ensemble to complete the look.

shirt- forever21

cardi- target

pants- loft

belt- gap

flats- target

and since i was fraudulent in my outfit, here's a completely unnatural pose:

paint it black

if someone wanted to get beaten up, yesterday was the day to ask me to do it. though i've been trying to branch out from all black ensembles, this all black look made me feel tough as nails. who am i kidding? i AM tough as nails. grease stains quiver at the sight of me with my oxyclean spray. weeds shrink in my presence. i can raise and lower my blood pressure just by thinking about it. jack bauer learned everything from me. my only kryptonite is steel magnolias. then i am mush. a crying, sobbing, gasping-for-breaths pile of mush.

blouse- express

jacket- target

skirt- kohls

shoes- jessica simpson

2nd class citizen

last night was date night. which led me to ponder, if you starred on a tv show but weren't allowed to date another main cast member, weren't you sort of a 2nd class citizen on the show? namely phoebe on friends. never allowed to date a co-star whle everyone else on the show had a chance to date someone else.

rachel-ross

rachel-joey

monica-chandler

phoebe-and several guest stars

or take screech on saved by the bell. even when lisa finally found him undisgusting, she still wouldn't date him.

 look at steve sanders on 90210. while the rest of the cast was busy swapping spit with each other, steve was stuck with a string of girls that weren't allowed to be on more than a few episodes.

finally, joey on full house. even danny fricking tanner had his girlfriend written into the cast. and poor joey was stuck with him lamesauce moose impressions to keep him company. it's primetime discrimination. and it's a delicious travesty.

blouse- target

skirt- jcrew

sandals- target

purse- target

i think by adding the black purse to the equation i was able to deftly pull off the black blouse tucked into a brown print based skirt combination. i love this skirt so much. it's my "jake ryan". i will always love it. i routinely peruse ebay for people selling any skirt like this from the 2010 summer collection in a different print. it's my fave of everything, quality, length, size, hip to waist ratio. fantastico.

in need of a good home: these pants

because let's be honest, i'm not going to be wearing full length pants past mid may, so i need to wear my white jeans now. societal white pant conventions be darned.

cardigan- target

sweater- banana republic

jeans- american eagle

shoes- target

but i think i need to do a closet purge. i just hate way too much of my stuff. it's holding me back. what's creative about wearing stuff you loathe? i should just repeat things i'm happy wearing. there are no points for putting together outfits and then hating 50% of the items you are wearing. and getting dressed is all about the points. i might as well stay in bed if i can't earn at least 5463 points on my sartorial choices from the judging fairies. it's torture.

like these pants. they've done nothing wrong but i pretty much despise them. for my tastes they are too low-waisted, the distressing translates as very young and skinny white denim is never a good idea on my lower half. i'm a snotty nose, ketchuppy fingers, sit in dirt/oil/poop/grass stain/old-chocolate-in-the-crevice-of-my-car-seat magnet. so, through no fault of their own, i'm going to have to find these pants new home. i know there is a loving home for them somewhere. someone who can provide the time and care and attention they need and deserve.  

ladylike

my 2nd most favorite thing that my grandma bonnie has ever said to me was the day she declared, "heidi, if you would just act like a lady you would almost be perfect." that was almost as good as the day she spied my bellybutton ring and said, "if my stomach was that flabby i wouldn't be showing it to anybody!" grandma bonnie is one of my heroes. no joke.

in honor of grandma bonnie and my dear, long-suffering mother, ladylike was my goal for today.

i'm too sexy for this face.

while i do like being ladylike i also look forward to the moment after you take off your dress and heels you can go back to being yourself who eats frosting straight out of the tub with a baby spoon in the glow of the refrigerator light.

dress- thrifted

belt- gap

sweater- gift

shoes- kristin davis via tjmaxx

bag- gigi hill

natural born thriller

i like to mix things that don't go together and call it bohemian. whether what i am wearing is consistent with the actual definition of boho chic doesn't really matter to me. i like things to be a little off and a little unexpected.

this was today's formula:

beaded earrings+

sweet farmgirl shirt+

old, scratched up belt+

suiting skirt+

gladiator sandals

my version of pulled-together, effortless dressing

this is also the extent of my athletic ability. distance running aside, this is it for me. natural born thriller.

shirt- dillards

skirt-?

belt- gap

shoes- bakers

here's something you don't know. i have two completely jacked up piercings in my left ear. they are both very low and very close together. ironically, one piercing is supposed to be the correction of the original messed up piercing. if i want to wear a heavier earring, i have to wear the earring in my 2nd hole. (i used to have 9 piercings. not my favorite thing that i did to myself.)

from the front you can't tell what hole my earring is in.

isn't that snowman lurking over my shoulder a little creepy? especially since it was 85 degrees already this week?

call me!

i was in wal*mart yesterday and a man asked me if i was in a relationship. i replied with, "yes, i'm married."(i was even wearing my wedding ring and i started flashing it around like i was trying to attract a magpie.)

then he asked if he could call me sometime. even after i said i was married. it was so weird. if i hadn't been taken aback by the utter weirdness and unabashed skeeziness of the line of questioning, i would have given him a piece of my mind. instead i stood there and blushed and wondered what kind of person does that? in the toy aisle at wal*mart. gross. what good is it to be a loudmouth, bossy know-it-all like myself if i stand there and say nothing when i finally get an opportunity to speak my mind!

and i wore this to church today. it just fell together. those are my favorite mornings to get dressed. when clothes want to be worn and just jump on my body without the help of singing mice or bluebirds.

 

dress- chadwicks

chambray button up- wal*mart

vest- wal*mart

belt- fossil

shoes- target

stay gold, ponyboy!

true confession: i don't like denim jackets. unless it's on ponyboy or any other outsider.

i've had this lovely since 2000 when i worked for the gap. i'm pretty positive i got this on their crazygood employee discount. my roomies and i wore it non-stop. this was also when polyester bootcut pants were all the rage! you can imagine the sartorial genius that transpired when everything was paired with black pants or a denim jacket. or (bonus)BOTH!

as a result, i've never been able to part with this jacket, but i just never wear it. it's like songs on the radio. overkill kills. sorry bruno mars. for this reason, you and i will never be friends. perhaps someday when i hear you on the lite station at the denist office i will think fondly of the year you reconfirmed what i already knew, that i am amazing just the way i are.

jacket- gap

t shirt- old navy

skirt- jcrew

shoes- kristin davis via target

***note to self- perhaps a gigantic white stripe across my widest point isn't the best idea.

this popped collar is for you c. thomas howell!