simpsonize me

simpsonizeme

2 lessons...

first lesson
i love a good pageant and if you missed miss teen usa on friday, you missed an especially enjoyable one. if you have been feeling down on yourself lately, don't. at least you aren't miss teen south carolina!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww
even mario lopez is laughing at her!!!
lesson learned: stop while you're ahead. not that she was very far ahead to begin with when she started this non-sensical answer.

second lesson
and why in the world does jessica simpson not look like this all the time? she looks great and fresh and intelligent. this should be her new look. it's called "pretty". not garish and overdone and over plumped and fake and over made up. by the way she normally looks, she could have a bratz doll named after her.

well done jessica simpson. now about that movie career...and the singing...and the decision to divorce nick.

lesson 2: there are still many lessons in life to be learned.

new hair new me

yesterday i took the leap and i got my hair cut. it was quite the ordeal. when all was said and done i lost 6 inches of hair. i was light headed from all of the weight of my hair being gone. then to see gobs of hair all over the floor also made me quite emotional. however, i was tough and no tears flowed until i got to the car.

it's not exactly what i wanted. i was hoping to preserve more length. i was hoping to only cut off four inches, but the scissors were not in my hands. thankfully my hair grows fast. the other thing that was hard to deal with was the way she styled it. she used a small round brush to dry it and it was very boingy, reminiscent of curling your whole head of hair under with a 2 inch curling iron. not flattering. anywhooo, i guess i am stuck with it for a while.

in other news, i was slightly annoyed with one of the comments from the stylist. she asked me what i "do" and i said that i take care of my children. she then replied, "oh, i want kids but i could never do that." is this annoying to anyone else? i know she wasn't trying to slight me, but it doesn't sound like a compliment either. this is not the first time i have gotten that reaction either. if a person thinks that staying home with your children is a difficult job, they need to just say that. don't make a remark that sounds like what i am doing is boring, unfulfilling, undesireable, _________ you fill in the blank. sure, sometimes i am bored and sometimes i really don't like cleaning up messes. once in a while i yell. and i don't like waking up early. occasionally i really want to wear dry clean only clothes and go off by myself and sit in an office and prove to the world that i am smart, accomplished and important. but i'm not here to prove anything to the world. i only need to prove things to God and my family. that is all. what i really wanted to say to the stylist was "fine, if you don't want to stay home, then don't have kids. kids are not an accessory. they are not trendy. we don't have kids because they are the latest thing that hollywood is doing. kids need you more than anything or anyone else. " ***

but i don't, i just smile and grit my teeth and think evil thoughts.

(***this comment is not to offend anyone who is in the workforce. we all have things that we have to do.)

do you bunco?

what does everyone think about the parlour game bunco? i don't know much so i would like some input. has anyone participated in a bunco night? would you consider is gambling? comments may be anonymous if you would like...

milo, posh and snape

i guess i owe fergie an apology. she doesn't completely suck. just mostly. since i am nursing scarlett 32 hours a day, i seem to have a lot more time for reading and tv. this morning i watched some of vh1's video countdown and i discovered that the song "big girls don't cry " was sung by her. well, you could have knocked my socks off. this song is surprisingly unlike the rest of the insipid and vacuous "music" she "sings". "my humps" is about as awful and mind-numbing as you can get. and "fergalicious"? how original. no, that is nothing like "bootylicious". but that is another post for another day.

anywhoo, i watched the entire "big girls don't cry" and imagine my surprise when i realized that jess(milo ventimiglia) from the gilmore girls plays that heavily tatooed, thuggy boyfriend in her video. and he actually looked like an adult. i never thought that he looked old enough to drive on GG.

they both look perfect for each other. unwashed, disgruntled truck stop employees. i think his neck tatoo really enhances her ghetto fabulous lee press on nails. i hope his associations with fergie don't ruin things for him on "heroes". i hear that is a great show. wouldn't know personally.

that brings me to my next point: what happened to jess on GG? why didn't rory fight for that relationship? i stopped watching GG this past season because the whole luke/lorelai stuff got ridiculous, but i always wanted jess to come back. he was always my favorite. dean was a dumb, lamesauce loser that worked at a grocery store and logan was fun for a while because he was rich, but he eventually got old too. jess wore all black and slouched and brooded and read literature. every girl wants a wounded soul to fix, right?

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MAJOR! that is my new catch phrase thanks to posh spice!

last night i watched victoria beckham: coming to america. can i confess that i really enjoyed that guilty pleasure? and i was pleasantly surprised by her personality. she has one! she only looks mindless. she seemed like a nice enough person. and if she can pretend to be a nice person in LA, then she might just have an acting career after all! and i have always liked the name victoria. and the haircut is killer. too bad i am not that brave to sport it myself. but, i may be busting out the high heels more often. she's a mom or should i say mum of three and she wears them all the time! i have 2 kids so i figure i will be the posh spice of montgomery, alabama. i just need to think of a catchy nickname. let's all brainstorm.

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finally, to my legions of readers that are harry potter fans, i really hope snape is a good guy. he and neville longbottom are my two favourites. i just can't believe that snape killed dumbledore just for killings sake. there has to be a good reason. perhaps someday i will even read the books!

i'm not dead

but my hairstyle is.
i need help picking a new hairstyle. my hair is LOOOONG. too long. i decided that i need to cut it to shoulder length, which is a good 5 inches. also, i have frizzy-fried-naturally wavy hair and i live in a very humid climate, so i need to cut it to one layer to minimize pouf and flyaways.
here are your options: each picture is not exactly perfect. try and imagine them on me, hitting my shoulder blades.
yes, i know that they are all very similar, but pick the one you like best.

who art thou?

i ain't axing, i'm telling.

seen in the sam's club parking lot:

from the budget fashionista:

things women over sixty should avoid

- Floor-length floral printed dresses
- Muumuus (unless they are for lounging around the house)
- Long (ankle length), unstructured, A-line skirts
- Elastic-waisted pants that make everyone look like a balloon
- Unstructured pants and suits
- Large, oversized t-shirts
- Khaki/mauve-colored grandma flats
- Unstylish jumper-type dresses (usually made of khaki or jean material)
- Sweaters with embroidery, appliques, etc (especially christmas sweaters)

i think this list is a good rule of thumb for everyone!

something fun:

my friend jessica emailed me this soopercool new website about reading, which just happens to be one of the favorite things to do after talking about clothes and picking on other people's flaws. i invite everyone to sign up and become my friend! goodreads! i hope this encourages everyone to start a summer reading list. i know that i have enjoyed my summer of reading! so far i have read gone with the wind, scarlett and i am currently enjoying the education of little tree. this was probably the 47th time that i have read gone with the wind and i love it more each time! it is like scripture to me. each time i read it i find something new or something stands out to me more than normal. i cried a lot this time because i found it so emotionally draining. i blame it on pregnancy. then for some reason i felt the need to read scarlett, the so-called sequel to GWTW. bleah. i recall now why i have only read this once. this is not the sequel to me. this is just someone else's conjecture of what might have happened if scarlett had only gotten stupider after all she learned and experienced in GWTW. scarlett takes forever to get anywhere and once the book gets somewhere, it is just more plodding along aimlessly. lot's of loose endings that are never tied up. the character development is that of an afterschool special. cheap thrills in yucksville. plus, the writing style of the author is sub-par to that of margaret mitchell. it is not that ripley is an unenjoyable writer, but you can tell that she was used to writing salacious, quickly-written, trashy paperbacks(that i would probably still enjoy), not sweeping, lushly descriptive, epic novels of magnanimous proportions. anyway, i have had that on my chest for quite a while and i am sure thomas is tired of my daily GWTW dissections, dissertations and discussions. anywhooo, i challenge one and all to make GWTW their summer reading project.

ps-yes, i already know, scarlett is mean. that is not news and isn't the point of the book. read it anyway.

finally, this gave my funny bone a good tickle. it is an image from the japanese stage version of gone with the wind. when i was little i watched the movie big bird goes to japan. after that i really wanted to be japanese when i grew up. this is the best of both worlds.

i also wanted to be judy jetson when i grew up. i didn't understand that you couldn't become a cartoon as a career. lisa bahr was the one that pointed that out to me. thanks for crushing my hopes and dreams lisa!

how do i get cool?

lately i have been feeling uncool. could it be the stroller i am always pushing? the sensible shoes i am forced to wear? the ever present ponytail/bun on top of my head? my behemoth purse/bag full of snacks and water bottles and diapers and notepads and books? perhaps, but maybe i just don't have the knack for "effortlessly cool" that some people have. you know? it's not an attitude thing or a money thing or a time thing or a pregnancy thing. there are just those people that have it. and i desperately peruse their blogs to see what they are wearing to see how i can get it. lately, my mind is just stale without their style inspiration.
like this morning, i am in the bathroom at the gym, because i can't go more than 5 minutes without a visit to my "office". i am chatting with shannon, one of the workout-aholics. she has just changed from sooper cute workout apparel to so-hottt-young-mom-on-that-make-without-looking-like-a-"mom" -outfit in record time. she looks like she could work at a cute boutique on the beach. and then the clincher, she says it is her goal to not look like she is 36. good night i thought the sky was going to fall in on me. 36!? i thought she was 28 tops, TOPS! anyway, she is my cool hero for the gym. and she has mastered the "young and cool" look without wearing teeny bopper clothing. nothing is more stale and age telling than a 50 year old woman shopping at express and looking like she is trying too hard.
anyway, maybe i just need a makeover. something unexpected to perk me up! let's face it, i have been doing the almost long hair, hot rollers look for quite some time. like more than 10 years. i recall driving to seminary way back in 1995 with hot rollers on my head. i have had a few more style mixed in between. (black hair, blonde hair, stripey blonde and caramel hair, brown hair, short short lesbian hair, short flippy pre-wedding hair, permed hair, wet slick it back in a bun hair, but i always come back to this.)
and what about bronzer? i have finally branched out into the 00s and bought bronzer. but i am self concsious about it. any tips from seasoned bronzer users?
finally, what spawned this long winded, garbled, slightly non-sensical post about me and my uncool vanity? this really fun site call frugal-fashionista! not that there is any real connection between the 2, but i had fun scouring it for inexpensive fashion ideas and finds. chchch-check it out!

she must have good jeans

last week i went to target to look at clothes. not clothes for reagan, not clothes for thomas, not clothes for scarlett, not clothes for a pregnant heidi. clothes for ME. the non-pregnant heidi that is in my mind. sometimes i still look at myself in shock when i see myself in the mirror and i am pregnant. i am craving clothes for a non-pregnant heidi! now that i am in the final countdown, i am pretty much sickSICKsick of my maternity stuff. you can only wear the same stuff over and over so much. and dressing it up with accessories is like putting chocolate fudge sauce on a bowl of cold oatmeal. it can only do so much.
so, anywhoo, i found this fun little website that is supposed to tell you what the best jeans are for your body type. ZAFU asks you a bunch of little questions about how your jeans normally fit and what you look for in the perfect pair and then with the click of a button...ZAFU! a bunch of jeans suggestions with photos, prices and locations at your fingertips. of the 72 pairs that were suggested for me, these are the two that i liked best from the photos. not the prices though, yikes! the $26 candies brand pair that they suggested were just not cute in the picture. but, just to be fair, i am going to seek them out at kohl's as soon as i get a waistline back and see how they fare.

kasil jeans "madison" jean $220

david kahn "heidi" jean (coincidence?) $160


so check it out and tell me what ya'll think!

girls! girls! girls!

every once in a while i completely and totally miss living with girls! not that i don't love and adore my incredible, HOT, hardworking and worshipful husband, i just don't like borrowing his clothes. but i am wearing a pair of his workout shorts right now because i am getting into that pregnant phase where i don't want anything touching my stomach. anyway, i digress...
i think what sparked this brief episode of girl missing is the wonderful, warm weather we are enjoying and that the pool is open at our local YMCA. and then i reminisced about hanging out at the DT pool with my friends and playing uno and speed and reading juvenile fiction and trivial pursuit cards. and of course playing a rousing game of who would you rather kiss. good times. great game. in order to remedy this longning for all things girly, i went exploring through photo albums for pictures of my roomate days. sadly, i couldn't find any pictures of us at the DT pool. but i did find some others. interspersed between pictures are memories and anecdotes and reasons why living with girls was so much fun.

paulalluyah, me and natbrat at olive garden.

1. when you live with girls, you don't just get dressed from your closet. you go to everyone's closet. the first question asked when you had a date was, "what are you going to wear? let's plan! fashion show!"

2. girls/roomates fall asleep talking about really important issues like should we color our hair? do we want to go to ward prayer tomorrow? do we have any food in the house?

some of the girls that attended my sealing.

3. girls re-enact every encounter/conversation/longing glance they ever had with a boy to help us decipher what he "meant" and does he really like us back. no sentence or smile or wink goes unanalyzed.

4. it is always easier to finish off a cake or tray of brownies or tub of ice cream while talking with a roomate.

me and em at macaroni grill? (i think) for her birthday. or somebody's birthday. or nobody's birthday.

5. one memory that i treasure is that of laying on the floor of our un-airconditioned house in our underwear, hiding from brian emerson. another memory, "hey jessica, do you want to go out on a date with me sometime?" response, "sure brian, you set it up and let me know." who didn't use that line with brian???

em, me and jessica in the crown 5 kitchen, the night after my first date with my eternal companion, hence the gigantic corsage.

6. trivial pursuit was often played on sundays and the sound of music was often watched. one summer we played uno in almost tournament-like fashion at christina's davis' house.

a mass of unwashed girls eating lunch one saturday at guadalahonky's in draper. the worst mexican food ever. i recall that their billboard said something to the effect of "i get gas at guads", for a long time i thought it was a gas station.

7. fast and the furious week complete with watching the movie at movies 8, going to DI and buying t-shirts, cutting them up and ironing nicknames on the back of them. to top of the week we wore the shirts to club omni on 16+ night. nothing like dancing with highschoolers to make you feel cool.

8. sometimes living with girls means that your only sustenance for the week is a jumbo box of 400 otter pops, eaten in succession on your front porch.

9. meeting for lunch in the cougareat and talking each other out of attending their next class to just keep hanging out.

i don't think i have an explanation for this one.

10. princess buns(updos, not cinnamon rolls). i really wish i had a picture of that!

11. watching hours and hours of pointless TV and then watching really important things like miss usa and miss america.

"studying" my freshman year. not much gets done with you study with friends.

11. the girls and i would often meet in the newsroom to do homework and use their printing paper. sometimes i would pretend to be an actual reporter and think ill of tiffany and her weird husband, whatever his name was. the BEST times were when we watched who wants to be a millionaire and played trivial pursuit and boggle.

12. girls are the BEST when talking through a breakup/relationship issues. or just making fun of your ex-boyfriend/crush/whatever. like that time emily made a hanging for our door about neil the nerdy TA and joseph the lumberjew, both booty callin' dweebs! i wish i still had that important scrap of paper!

my abfab favorite girl roomate, my wonderful sister heather. she is eating a banana and i am pretending to be a mom. oh, wait...
my best girls.
funny story, once when we were younger, my sister asked my mom what happens if a tampon gets dislodged and gets lost in your body. my mom replied "it travels through your system and stabs you in the heart." we laugh about that one until this day.

wedding dress blues

those of you that know me, know i despise my wedding dress. it is a fine dress. i have received many compliments on it. i just hate it and i want to kick the bag that it is in whenever i see it. i was one of those types that was constantly mentally planning her wedding. every flower arrangment, cake type, wedding announcement had to be meticulously studied to see if was to my liking. going to BYU really fed my habit. talk about wedding central. so, when i finally got engaged and went wedding dress shopping, you would have thought that i would have spent more time and energy into finding THE DRESS. i made several mistakes. one, was that i went by myself. most bridal magazines will tell you that you need to go by yourself to make the best decision. i disagree. i needed someone there to tell me that i needed to think and sleep on it before making a decision. two, was that the lady that owned the store, sweetheart bridal across from provo high school, was not wearing a bra. why did i buy a wedding dress from a lady not wearing a bra? third mistake, not trying on a bazillion dresses. i think i tried on 3. sometimes i am dumber than a box of hammers. fourth, i didn't even try on the dress i eventually bought. here is the story on that. after trying on all 3 dresses i made a decision. this dress here was the one i deemed the one. i can't tell you why i picked it, there is nothing about it that is ugly; it is a very lovely dress. just not me.

so, i make my deposit on my dress and as i am walking out of the store i see and ad for this dress here:

and i asked the bra-less owner if i can switch my deposit to this dress instead. all i had seen was the picture. again, there was nothing wrong with this dress. fine and lovely, but not me. i think my brain was trying to tell me to not be so hasty about my dress purchase, but of course i interpreted it to mean, just buy that one. so that is the dress i ended up with. bleah. i still get annoyed when i think about it. every once in a while i will have a dream(or nightmare) that i am planning my wedding all over again and i get to pick out a new dress. then i wake up and there is that dumb ol' dress hanging in my closet and i am all upset all over again. in order to cope psychologically with the knowledge that i HATE my wedding dress, i have collected many pictures over the last 5 years of possible new wedding dresses that i will someday purchase. for a while i had a collage on the back of my closet door. i figure by our 10 year anniversary i should get a new dress. just for fun. come to my house, we'll have a party.
you may be wondering what brought all this up again. it all goes back to blogstalking. we all do it. we peep at other people's friends blogs and wonder who they are. i was doing that a week ago when i happened upon this picture. i LOVE AND ADORE this girls dress. i have no idea who you are cute girl, but i want your dress. perhaps she will let me borrow it and i can retake some wedding photos in it. after the baby comes, of course. what kind of shotgun wedding would i be promoting? and my kids would be so confused.

great dress whoever you are! she would probably be very embarassed to know that a perfect stranger has her picture on a random blog. let's keep it our secret.

here are some more pictures of dresses i lovelovelove. or GOWNS(pronounced gahwns, darling).
so chic!!!

figure loving and hugging!

i don't like the top of this one, too boxy. but i love the fishtail hem over the pleated tulle.

gorgeous!!! sleek and simple.

this one was the top dress in my closet collage for about 2 years. then i saw it on a real person and it took my breath away.

fun little design.



part ballerina, part part flapper, all glamour girl.

thanks for humoring me.
note-miss universe pageant monday, may 28th 8pm CST. mark your calendars!!!

how do you wear them?

HERE'S HOW!
i despise always having to wear layers to make some of the new trendy dresses work. but what can we do? buying only from the modesy minded websites would leave us all looking the same and broke. until there are more people that care enough to launch fashion lines for women of "taste" like us, then we will have to do some improvising. however, i would encourage us to patronize(if we can afford it) some of the LDS fashion sites so that they can make a profit and eventually lower their prices. it is hard to compete with old navy prices.

if you can't tell, i love forever21 !!! great prices. cheaply made, but who cares? at these prices you can afford to replenish your wardrobe each summer.

weightless tank $6.80- the description said that it is supposed to feel like almost nothing. perfect for those of us suffering through humid summers! scoopy neck enough to show off collar bone and still cover up your goods.

linen jacket-$24.80- normally i shy away from linen(satan's fabric) because it is so hard to keep pressed, but this little jacket would look so adorable with a swingy dress underneath. and it's not like forever 21 is using top quality-high wrinkling linen anyway.

surplice eyelet jacket- $22.80 show of that trim waist CAROLINE!!! you've been working so hard, flaunt it!
cropped eyelet jacket- $24.80 think of the maternity possibilities...cute tummy poking out!
red swingy jacket-$32 love red. especially with white! or yellow! definitely yellow!
long, lightweight jersey tank-$7


modcloth
lightweight sweatshirt jacket-$50 i love this! if i still lived in utah and experienced wonderful utah summer evenings, this would be a must have. definitely unbuttoned over a full skirted dress and flip flops!

super T
long tissue weight tee- $10 great for layering and if you aren't in love with your upper arms! but then who is? juniors t-front jacket-$17 so sweet, so cute. lightweight. picture it over a strapless dress!

downeastbasics
wonder tee- $10 my friend nicole has this particular style and she wears it with everything! zero bulk. tiny cap sleeves. long length. looks particularly smashing under smocked top dresses.


oldnavy
plunging V tee- $10 i don't know, just be daring. perhaps over a halter tie neck dress? show off those straps without showing off everything else?

long layering camis-$8 i love these. i wear them year round under everything. they make low necked dresses quite appropriate. just throw the lightweight cardigan pictured below on top of the dress and you are set. isn't every chapel freezing anyway?
scoop cardigan-$24 love it! yellow is my color this year! sweet pockets and scoopy enough to show off your tan. very ladylike.


jcp

white eyelet jacket-$40 very grown up. and you won't melt.

long solid tank- 2 for $8 each. love these. own bunches. so long i still wear them when prego!

so get out there and wear some dresses!
i really have a lot of cleaning and packing to do to prepare for baby #2. but i still would rather spend my free time blogging. consider yourselves that special!