i like big guts and i cannot lie

and that's exactly what my husband said to me right before he took this picture:

38 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 34 minutes

i'd really like to slap him sometimes but i'm usually laughing too hard. he kills me. it also kills me that i colored my hair lighter 3 weeks ago to cover my excessive grays and he didn't notice. i re-colored my hair darker yesterday to try and cover my excessive grays again because the first color only highlighted my pre-mature graying and he still didn't notice. i'd really like to go on a major shopping spree but that is the one thing he would definitely notice. 

this dress is this dress from old navy. nice and stretchy and perfect for someone whose clothes no longer fit but they don't want to buy more maternity clothes. (ME!) i bought this in my regular size. i'm looking forward to it covering my post-baby tummy. ANY DAY NOW. i've already perused some nice spanx too. i just can't wait to wear normal clothes. 

bring on the baby

the baby's room is pretty much as good as it's going to get. with no budget and no energy, i did my best.

 before

my unhelpful helper:

and after:

the kids painted the artwork above the bed. they wanted to contribute and every other suggestion they had was messy or going to destroy something i had worked hard on. the giant blanket on the crib i found on clearance at target is actually for me to use in the middle of the night when i fall asleep in my recliner. i still need to find a baby blanket but i can't find anything i like. i have my eyes peeled for something in coral. peel your eyes too.

the pillow has been on my couch for the last 3 years and the recliner was a gift from thomas for my birthday when i was pregnant with scarlett and i couldn't sleep lying down. i love it. 

lamp was on the clearance aisle at hobby lobby for $7 and i painted it watermelon pink. which was really big for me. i only chose pink because they didn't have coral. just orange. which is not coral. i also painted the mirror watermelon pink. that mirror has been wooden, white, black and now pink. part of me wants to redo it in gold. but i'm way tired of projects so that might be for next year. the small framed picture is miracle of the gulls by minerva teichert(my FAVE artist!)

and the big framed picture is of the bountiful temple where thomas and i were married. 

the sheets are actually lime green diamond pattern. from target. natch. 

i still need to find a large wicker basket for toys.

and this is where the dresser is hidden:

that's it. simple. inexpensive. perhaps i'll also find a nice simple shag rug. who knows, i'm just glad this project didn't kill me. because i do not enjoy projects.

tell me sweet little lies

i saw a comment that sarah palin made when she was asked how she would respond to people who had been so critical about jessica simpson's pregnancy weight gain. i thought it was perfect and brilliant. "i would have wanted to punch jessica's critics in the neck. it's none of anybody else's business how much weight i would gain."


fantastic. 

things you just shouldn't say to anyone, especially to pregnant women:
i've been guilty of plenty of these, but now i know better


1. "you're huge." "you're about to pop." "you look 10 months pregnant." would you say that to an overweight person? why is it okay to remark on the size of a pregnant person?


2. "are you sure you're not having twins? really, because you're huge." don't EVER disbelieve a woman when she tells you how many babies she is carrying. it's just another way of saying, "you look fat." if i ever get brave enough i would like to respond with "how high is your blood pressure? when's the last time you ate a vegetable that wasn't breaded and deep-fried?" "is your neck size the same as your waist size?"


3. "you shouldn't be eating that." "you're definitely eating for 2." "you know you only need about 300 extra calories to support a baby." let's not draw attention to the amount of food a woman must sometimes consume in order to support a baby. for some women, eating is the only way to combat sickness. 


4. "you look exhausted!" yes, a pregnant woman probably does look tired. it's really hard to sleep with heartburn, swollen appendages, and a baby crushing your lungs. thanks for pointing out that my face is also suffering. just say i look great, even if i don't. 


5. "you have a boy and a girl? i guess you're done!" don't assume anything about how many children a family should have or want based on gender. one family member actually told me that i was selfish to have any more children after i had my 2nd baby.


6. "were you trying?" gross. really. keep the personal questions for people you know personally. or wait until the information is volunteered.


7. "you're actually naming your baby blythe?" actually, yes i do think i am naming my baby blythe. your job is to respond nicely, even if you don't like the name. i'm pretty vocal about what i don't like in baby naming trends. a favorite past time is mocking celebrity baby names. but, i will tell you that i think "grizelinda" is the best name ever if you think it's the best name ever for your baby. what i name my baby is not contingent on your opinion but after my baby is here and i've named her blythe, in my mind, you will be the jerkface who didn't pretend to like my baby's name. 


8. "when is your baby due?" only ask this question if you are more than 100% sure that someone is pregnant. 


9. "i tore down all the way down to China!" keep the horror stories for girl's night out at the local applebee's. don't try and scare a new mom. there is no victory in having the worst delivery.


10. "so are you getting rid of your dog?" "will you miss coloring your hair?" "are you going to cancel your gym membership?" i've been asked all of these archaic questions. when you ask questions like that, it sounds like you think you know better than the pregnant woman. 


11. "were you using fertility drugs?" does it matter?


and finally, 
hands off!
 especially you, farty old man at wal*mart. a couple of sweet little girls at church always come up and hug my belly. they ask and i like that. they are also under the age of 8. occasionally strangers will come up and try touch my stomach. that's weird and inappropriate. if you don't know someone, don't touch. if you do know someone, ask first. 


thoughts?

anxiety anxiety baby

 i'm the worst at wasting my free time. it's such a bad habit of mine. when i get "free time" i squander it on lame things rather than fun things. last night thomas was gone and the kids sleeping and i was caught up on most of my chores and i thought i would just enjoy myself by watching all the shows i've got saved on netflix that no one wants to watch with me. like all my british miniseries and bollywood movies that would cause thomas to die on the spot if i ever tried to make him watch. instead though, i flipped on the tv and got out my ironing board and watched the vanilla ice project on the DIY network and ironed shirts. what in the world possessed anyone to put together a show with rob van winkle and his posse of former hip hop miscreants as home improvement experts? and they even threw out a few ice ice baby lyrics as motivation to get the project done. what possessed me to watch it? 

i could have been watching "daniel deronda" or "the forsyte saga" or "jodhaa akbar" but i was watching this drivel. sometimes i hate myself. i suffer from some sort of problem that doesn't allow me to enjoy my free time. like i should constantly be doing something remotely productive and i can't sit down and enjoy a good show that might even make me smarter or at least not dumber. most people would call that anxiety.

blouse- thrifted

dress- banana republic

shoes- target

35 weeks

 this is my wart. scarlett calls it my wert. this proves i am a witch. warts are a witches calling card. yesterday i bumped it on some produce at publix and it was a huge bloody mess. it's getting better and worse at the same time. 

the odds are ever in my favor

saturday i got dressed in something i hated and then i ran a bunch of errands. whilst at target i spied this pencil skirt and snatched(actually i paid for it) it up and put it on in the car. for some reason while i was putting on the skirt i also took my shirt off. just habit i guess. i sat in the car for a minute before i realized i didn't have a shirt on. i'm an idiot. free show! anywhoo, i wore it on sunday too. it's non-maternity but it fit just right under my stomach. 

friday night i saw the hunger games movie. i was quite apprehensive about seeing it because i LOVED the first 2 books in the series and disliked the 3rd book. and then i didn't really like any of the casting of the main 3 characters. i just didn't want my fragile young-adult-fiction-adaption-into-a-movie-heart-to-be-broken again. i'm looking at you twilight saga. i was a twilight fan until i had to sit through those insipid movies. i still go on opening night for each new twilight movie, but mostly because i love tradition. and i'm a glutton for punishment. 

but,

i thought the hunger games movie was fine. fine. not love. not loathe. just fine. i still didn't like any of the main characters and i wasn't that emotionally moved with the movie the way i was with the book. however, it wasn't inadvertently comedic because it was trying so hard to be an important film and it wasn't boring. the things i liked the most about it were the supporting characters. woody harrelson was not my first pick for haymitch(i was jonesing for gary oldman, sirius black, in the harry potter movies) but i thought he was the best part of the movie. and  lenny kravitz didn't embarrass himself the way other celebrities pretending to be actors(madonna, mariah carey, shaquille o'neal, john cena) have in other movies.  

biggest plus:

1. jennifer lawrence not looking like a typical, frail hollywood barbie doll. girlfriend looked like she had a healthy, athletic body and that she wasn't starving herself to fit an impossible ideal. ironically though, she may have looked more like the katniss of my mind's eye if she had been starving herself. 

biggest minuses:

1. seneca crane's wrinkly linen pants. they were ugly. they didn't fit well. they were too short. they were distracting in EVERY SINGLE SCENE. please tell me i am not the only one who was disturbed by this?

2. peeta- this toaster could have filled in for him. he was not that engaging, yet not as useful as a toaster, because at least a toaster can toast or you can check your reflection in the chrome.

3. gale- this shiny, dense rock is a perfect comparison. liam hemsworth was simply too pretty to be a rugged-hot-but-doesn't-know-he's-hot-coal miner. i was hoping for at least messy, shaggy hair a la tim riggins. 

what were your thoughts?

pepto

i've loathed pink for years. i will go out of my way to pick any different color if pink is an option on an item of clothing i want to purchase. but, i broke my own rules and i ordered the sleek sequin skirt in dusty cedar from downeast basics that i was lusting over(for $15, thank you for the head's up becca!). and i think pink may be making a comeback. 

jacket- target

maternity v neck- target

skirt- downeast basics

shoes- jessica simpson

belt-target

*for the record, i ended up ordering the small. i was planning on waiting to wear it until after the baby was born but i couldn't resist trying it on. call me a glutton for punishment. surprisingly, this little puppy stretches like a DREAM. i wore it today and i felt like myself. snarky and full of heartburn.

for funnsies:

back in the day circa 2001 when i loved pink. this particular event was halloween, but really i just wanted to wear a bunch of pink. i lent that wig to someone to wear a few years back when they were feeling down and i never got it back. whoever that person is(i can't recall), is dead to me.

i've been working on a few home improvement/decor projects of late and for my home office i've been referring to this picture. and no, i don't pinterest. yes, i know it's wonderful. but i have plenty of other ways to waste time so i've made the conscious decision to not pinterest my time away. 

i think i would paint my walls pale gray(surprise) instead of white.

pink wallpaper

and i'm eyeing this for curtains(this print has been one of my favorite for years. i have pillows in the green version of this):

waverly cross section raspberry

or this:

waverly lovely lattice jungle

and this rug:

rug

i dream of pencil skirts

some of my favorite dreams are about clothes. or flying and then diving in water and then pushing off the ocean floor and flying again. or a shopping spree. or a shopping spree where i am flying. i haven't been shopping at all lately though. i was at homegoods/marshall's looking for baby stuff today and i picked up several items for myself and then i realized, i'm pregnant! like somehow i'd forgotten over the last 31 weeks and all this heartburn and swelling is just for fun. wah wah. even if i am eventually the same size, it doesn't mean everything will be in the same place. it happens with each baby. clothes i once loved may not necessarily flatter postpartum. now this paragraph has transitioned from dreams to nightmares. *note to my sister who is due 3 weeks before me with her 1st baby- EVERYTHING WILL BE IN A DIFFERENT PLACE. you need to know this.*

recent mom style:

denim jacket- gap

cardigan- garnet hill

t shirt- target

pants- old navy

sandals- bakers

i do not like the boots with this outfit. no gracias. they look tight on my calves.

tank- tjmaxx

vest- marshalls

button up- JCP

skirt- destination maternity(it WAS painful. thanks for asking.)

boots- gianni bini

cardigan- kohls

blouse- thrifted

jeans-old navy

shoes- target

scarlett:

vest- target

dress- consignment

boots- old navy

band aid- hello kitty

there is no injury underneath that hello kitty band aid. this was purely fashion statement. this outfit received zero fashion direction from me.

i dreamed of a green pencil skirt a few nights ago. it was wonderful until i woke up and didn't own it. 

but here's some stuff i am lusting for in the worst way possible.

jcrew

jcrew

my fave. i want curtains and a couch and a rug and a house and a car in this print: 

jcrew

and i am already planning my baby blessing outfit. i want to pair this skirt with a simple white popped collar oxford shirt a la carolina hererra with turquoise jewelry and turquoise shoes. 

downeast basics

does anyone have any input on the sizing of this skirt? i want this color in size medium since it''s supposed to be stretchy but that's not an option. either large or small. small post baby sounds pretty much terrible and soull crushing but i don't want the skirt to sit on my hips and i worry that will happen with the large. hmmm. quelle dilemma! 

the end.

stuff i don't want for valentine's day

i went to lunch with my valentine today. i wore red shoes and ironed my shirt. definitely a holiday. 

this is me in front of thomas' home office:

blouse- thrifted by deb! from jcrew!

jacket- target

maternity pants- old navy

shoes- steve madden via tj maxx

this is me in front of my home office(the heartbeat and inner sanctum of my household):

i have big plans for this office. but it will require my staple gun and a shelving unit. i do already have the fabric to recover my cork boards. i would also like to find a nice colorful map of my hometown of kansas city, MSSOURI and frame it. start holding your breath.

and things i don't want for valentine's, in no particular order:

giant teddy bear. i do not like stuffed animals. they are lice and filth incubators.

http://www.giantstuffedanimals.com/
  the gift that says i hate you

pajama gram- i heard john boy and billy talking about them on the radio and that about did it for me. 

behold the hoodiefootie:

which i actually wouldn't mind owning, but i don't want it for valentine's day. maybe groundhog day.

matching pillowcases-

matching tattoos:

unless it is a giant cat. that seems perfectly reasonable and romantic.

plus, thomas would look simply darling with a nice cat tattoo on his forearm

what i really want for valentine's day is to put on my swimsuit coverup and a sweatshirt because everything else on earth is so uncomfortable and then sit on the couch and watch E! grammy awards fashion wrap and then battlestar galactica on netflix whilst battling my restless leg syndrome and drinking tons of water with copious amounts of crushed ice. sitting next to thomas=heaven.

i'm every woman

i've been pretty torn up about whitney houston. i haven't been crying like one of those weirdos who thinks that they really "know" a famous person and i won't be buying a commemorative t-shirt(you know they will be at wal*mart in just a few short weeks. i love capitalism.) but i was really really sad when i heard the tragic news last night. whitney was the best and i really wanted to see her overcome her personal struggles. her version of "do you hear what i hear" is the only version of that song i will tolerate. this morning while i was getting ready for the day i was singing all my favorite whitney tunes at the op of my lungs(everyone loved it! my talent has always been appreciated.) and i mentally cataloged(i googled that spelling, thank you very much) my personal whitney memories. 

1. dancing in my neighbor's garage to "i wanna dance with somebody" whilst wearing acid washed shorts and an artfully paint splattered t-shirt.

2. attending and performing in a piano recital in 1987 where there were no fewer than 4 simplified piano arrangements of "the greatest love of all". my mother made me stick to the classics. so boring.

3. having a crush on the guy with the locker above mine and thinking that "i want to run to you" would definitely be our song. if i could simply open my mouth and talk to him.

4. being SO JEALOUS that, andrea young, got the bodyguard soundtrack from her very serious 8th grade boyfriend, nick wallar, on valentine's day, 1993. that was true love.

5. listening to whitney houston- the greatest hits nearly non-stop during the summer of 2000. when i wasn't listening to that i was watching "she's all that" with my cousin jen. all we had was a VCR that summer, no cable or local programming. a VCR is an ancient recording device that used to play video cassettes. video cassettes are what the Bible was originally written on.  

6. about a month ago i was running errands all my by lonesome and "i will always love you" came on and i was singing like i was on stage and kevin costner was my thinning-haired, mouth-breathing boyfriend/bodyguard. i was so into it that by time i arrived at my destination, i had tears running down my face. in my defense i am pregnant and my kid's simply don't appreciate the volume of my vocalizations. 

it is a sad day when you are old enough that multiple of your childhood idols have passed on. michael jackson. whitney houston. corey haim. alf. who's next?

i love this picture. too bad it's blurry. like a cackling witch. or as my dear mother would say, "you laugh like a hardended woman."

the end.

mothers and daughters

since i am the mother of one girl and i'm about to have another, the topic of raising a daughter has been on my mind a lot lately. being a mother of a son has made me want to be a better person, being a mother of a daughter has made me want to be a better woman. if i were to compile a list of things i wanted to cover in raising a girl, near the top would be proper skin care and not picking at your face(this one took me a LONG time to master) and choosing your friends wisely. i've been blessed with some really incredible friends and then i've encountered my share of duds. scarlett is only 4 1/2 and we've already seen both sides of this equation with her little friends. i think the hardest thing is trying to explain to her why someone would be mean to her. unfortunately, not all people outgrow this and you have to encounter it for the rest of your life. in my own life i've developed the philosophy of:

you don't have to be everyone's friend, you just have to be polite

it's better to be alone than to deal with people who don't truly care for you.

what do you think is some of the most important advice you could give to your son or daughter? or what's the best advice your parent gave you?

learn to budget? study hard? shop with a grocery list? forgive? eat healthy and exercise? pray? definitely pray. 

you know what is really fun? watching scarlett put together her own outfits. she definitely has her faves and is not opposed to some unexpected layers and bright color combinations. and surprising poses!

you can see her fairy wings that she wore to church last week that were surprisingly not a distraction. at all. miracle of miracles. 

and i think my proportions on this outfit were off. but, i was super comfortable for church and that's nice. whatev. 26 weeks.

skirt- gap

sweater- tjmaxx

shoes- target

scarlett

sweater-target

skirt- gapkids

shoes-target