Saturday, August 27, 2011

more wasted space

while i hate to devote any more internet space to the kardashians, i just can't allow "america's non-royal wedding" to happen and not comment on that rhinestone and spanx debacle. it's against my nature.

the GOOD:
i love kim's headpiece. i've always wanted to wear gems like that on my forehead. i think this is an actual original and daring choice. cue the applause.
Kim Kardashian Wedding Pic

versus celine dion, my queen, who looks like a bedazzled klingon.

NEW PIC: Kim Kardashian's Wedding Dress -- More Details!
but i'll say it until i am blue in the face. i am tired of strapless gowns. TIRED AND SICK. if you've got limitless fund and are a personal friend of vera wang i expect something a little more interesting. however, i may have gouged my eyes out with a  spoon if she had gone for her signature one-shoulder dress overkill. so we'll call it a draw.

the BAD:
bruce jenner- while i commend his plastic surgery corrections and his new stylish haircut, i think earrings on men are a major NO NO!

because you will look like you are taking style tips from jon gosselin,

and vanilla ice, 

and kevin federline.
and that's just gross.

the planets have aligned and average people like you and me now no longer have to run over to frederick's of hollywood to buy clothes to look like a kardashian. the kardashian kollection is available at your local sears(the repeated use of the letter K makes me uncomfortable. especially when someone decides to deem something "kountry". yikes. thank your lucky stars it isn't the kardashian clothing kollection. oy vey!)
my fave kardashian kollection items:
Kardashian Kollection Oversized Vintage Clear Sunglasses With Enamel Detailing
Kardashian Kollection Women's Shoe Dallas Black

the worst:
a sparkly high school sewing project gone awry
Kardashian Kollection Women's Leopard Print Sequin Harem Pants

the bustier print t-shirt:
Kardashian Kollection Women's Metallic Corset Print Tee
which is way too close to this lovely item i have seen sported at my wal*mart and local tractor pull:
happy weekend!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

nacho mama

 i felt super cheesy today. taking pictures never gets more natural for a cheese ball like me. i cannot do an artsy-fartsy, sultry, smoky look! and lately i've just been in a mood. i'm in a big "i just want to wear my gym clothes" phase right now. maybe it's because i want to simplify my wardrobe and my life? maybe because i feel like a sweaty, crazy person? is there a deeper meaning here? or, do i really just want to eat mexican food all the time and gym clothes are mexican food's best friend? SI! que es el boleta!
dress- casual corner
blouse- thrifted
sandals- bakers

senior 2011!
my senior picture:
class o' 98!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

what goes around comes around

we're finally in the house and i've come to the executive decision that i need to get rid of half my clothes. i do have a wonderful new large closet and my husband has his own husband size closet but whilst unpacking my duds i came to the conclusion that i don't need most of this. and that's a hard thing for me to admit.

i bought this dress for my college graduation in 2002 and i really haven't worn it since, but i still drag it with me everywhere we have moved, utah to alabama to georgia to missouri to alabama again and finally south carolina. breaking up is hard to do.

it will be a hard dumping since maxi dresses are back in style big time. hopefully this dress won't make a scene when i break the news to her. i hate drama and the whole "it's not you it's me" speech, especially since that's never true. if you break up with someone, it's them.
plus, my husband LOVES red and black together so i know he was keen on this outfit.
dress- byu bookstore back when dinosaurs roamed the earth
shoes- target
belt- target

and yet, i am already thinking that i should give it another go until spring. just in case we rekindle our relationship. i mean, i've had her this long, what's a few more months?

Thursday, August 04, 2011

don't tell my brothers i am writing for a fashion blog

my most stylish brother, marky mark, just surprised me with a guest post for my blog. he is a wit, a card, a great shopper and a really nice, good guy. he's also available. he just started his first big boy job after graduating from BYU-I. he lives and works in salt lake city, ut.

Don’t tell my brothers I’m writing for a fashion blog.

On the train home from work today I noticed several hideously dressed men. I began to think of the funny things my sister Heidi would say about these dorks and their clunky shoes, Hawaiian shirts, and cell phone holsters. I then remembered that Heidi and I have discussed a couple of times that I should write a guest post for her blog about men’s fashion. So here it goes. *

* I currently live alone and don’t own a TVor have Internet access, so I was in the mood to do just about anything.
** When I say I don’t own a TV, I don’t mean it in the “I’m a hipster and I’d rather go be in nature” sort of way. I mean it in the “I’m really poor and I live underneath a used car dealership” sort of way.

If you are a girl, don’t stop reading. You probably know someone who is a boy. He might even be your husband or boyfriend. So, without any further ado, it is with great pleasure that I present to you a list of however many things I can think of that guys should know about fashion.

1. You don’t have to have a lot of money to be fashionable. I shop at thrift stores, TJ Maxx, Ross, etc. It can be hit and miss, but be patient and you will find some gems.

2. Wear clothes that fit. If you’re chubby, wearing big clothes will only make you look bigger and visa versa. Wearing clothes that fit well can have a slimming effect. So can going to the gym.

3. Iron. Your clothes.

4. Being fashionable does not make you girly.

5. Belt buckles. It’s cool if you’re a cowboy. If you aren’t, you just look like an imbecile.

6. Suits. Suits should fit you well. Have the salesman at the store measure you and then have your suit altered accordingly. Get a conservative color. Tan or light grey suits are fun, but unless you have a good collection of suits to rotate through, stick with black or dark blue so you don’t have to wear such a loud suit all the time. Never button the bottom button.

7. Dress shirts. White and light blues are the most professional, but you can make certain shades of most colors work. Never wear a black dress shirt. People will expect you to take their order or do a triple axle.

8. Ties. J. Garcia ties look like throw-up. Half windsor knot. Think simple and neat instead of flashy. They should come down to your belt.

9. Crocs. Say no to crack. Say no to crocs. There’s no excuse for this type of buffoonery.

10. Match your belt and shoes. Belts should be simple with minimal designs. For dress shoes I recommend wingtips or loafers. Dr. Martens or any other combat boots should never be worn with dress clothes. Have you ever seen a soldier wearing tasseled loafers?

11. “Confidence is very sexy. Don’t you think?” –old British guy in a cologne commercial.

12. Baseball caps. Not for everyone. Make sure you get one that fits. Wearing a hat that is too small only accentuates your giant heard. If it looks like a watermelon wearing a kippa, you’re doing it wrong.

13. Frequently ask yourself, “Would Dwight Schrute wear this?

14. Wolf shirts. If you wear shirts with wolves howling at the moon or with a bald eagle soaring through flames… you probably stopped reading a long time ago.

15. The difference between dressing up and not dressing up should be greater than one article of clothing.

16. Cargo pants with dress clothes. NOOOOOOOOOO.

17. Cargo shorts/pants. No.

18. No cell phone holsters. Why? Because your pants already have two holsters called pockets. If your cell phone doesn’t fit in your pocket, please give Zack Morris his cell phone back.

19. Bedazzled or bejeweled jeans. (See #16)

20. Ed Hardy. Friends don’t let friends…

21. Shirts that say things on them. Rarely/never. If you do choose to do this, it better be timely, clever and/or funny. Hint: Nothing Charlie Sheen has ever said has met any of these requirements.

22. Cardigans. Yes.

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

vampire patrol

tank- ? this is similar
shorts- nike tempo
socks- thorlo
sneaks- asics
drink- 32 ounce powerade zero in blueberry ice(which i can down in less that 3 minutes)

though this has been the summer the sun fried the universe, i've tried to be diligent in maintaining my running. it's the only thing i'm remotely good at and i can't lose it. whilst running i like a tank top with a high cut arm hole to reduce underarm chaffing(also known as chub rub in classy circles) and these nike tempo shorts have lasted me for 4 years. to keep my running consistent between the heat and my kids being home all summer, i've had to get up before the sun rises to run. i try to get through the majority of my run before the sun crests the tree line. i call it vampire patrol. once i see the sun i know i was become dust. i'm a sweaty, slow, hot mess but i love it.

AND for funnsies
a short list of my gym issues-

1. space invaders- some gym people who have zero concept that they are in your space. i really enjoy kicking and punching. it's a lethal combination.

2. naked grannies- i like to keep my eyes to myself when i am changing, but some grannies seem to think that the locker room is a runway. i understand not wanting to get make-up on your clothes, what about a towel? what about not leaning up your naked body against every surface, chair or mirror that i am also using? really? really?

3. loud talkers- i cannot concentrate on form if you are talking about your latest gynocological appointment. it is fine to talk about pat smear, guitarist for foo fighters. i love the foo fighters too. it is not okay to talk about your pap smear. a little decorum!

4. captain morgan- this is my husband's least favorite. men who change in the locker room, put on a t-shirt, but fail to put pants and underwear on until after they have shaved and combed their hair. then they feel the need to talk to you while with one leg up on the bench, still sans pants.

5. droopy drawers- i hate it when people are in the pool and when they pull themselves up to sit on the edge their body goes up but their swimsuit bottom goes down. way down. okay, this actually happened to me this week. pretty embarassing. free show with your ymca membership.

my workout song of the week:

motley crue- home sweet home

this song is the absolute best when you are on your last few miles. i heard it today when i was entering my neighborhood. tears were shed.