Monday, November 24, 2008

the twilight movie from a non-reader perspective

so last friday i threw caution to the wind and saw the twilight movie. i haven't read a single iota of any of the books. i am not opposed to reading them, i just never thought about it. for a long time i thought they were a strictly lds young adult fiction series of books and i have a natural aversion to that type of literature. probably because i love gratuitous sex and using the F word as an adjective. okay, not really. lds fiction is just not my thing. anywhooo, during the movie i took a bunch of notes that i scribbled on a long wal-mart receipt and my voter registration id card. keep in mind that this is strictly my thoughts on the movie and not the book. i have no thoughts on the book. and don't say, if you read the book, it would all make sense. and if you are tempted to say that to me my response will be to go read gone with the wind and quit referring to that one time you watched 20 minutes of the movie and that is how you have formulated your entire gone with the wind opinion. see, everything comes back to gone with the wind with me.
without further ado-
a short twilight movie opinion list by heidi
1. someone behind me was wearing a TON of paul mitchell hairspray. i love that smell so that was a good omen.
2. hurray for peter facinelli. you can finally contribute to your family income with wife jennie garth(kelly of 90210). you've come a long was since your can't hardly wait days.
3. the best line of the movie is when bella's friend is describing the cullen clan and she says that jasper is the one who looks like he is always in pain. i busted out laughing. and i was the only one.
4. edward's hair is amazing. do vampires have to get their hair cut? what about dental work? where do they draw the line? do they go to the bathroom? does sucking blood create any waste
5. why are the cullens in school? can't they claim homeschool status? is it just something for them to do? they don't seem to socialize with any other students.
6. google has the answers to everything. bella figured everything out just from googling a few key words. i bet she could figure out where osama bin laden in just a few minutes.
7. i know bella doesn't care about fashion but did she have to pick out some of the ugliest shirts possible? doesn't she have ANY fashion standards?
8. rosalie's shoes were amazing.
9. in fact, the entire cullen family was fastidiously dressed and groomed. i would like to be a vampire for that reason alone. are they trying to eradicate the vampire stereotype of bad tuxedos and exaggerated widow's peaks?
10. bella and edward's relationship seemed to be based on a lot of staring. if thomas and i stared at each other that much, even less would get done at this house.
11. during the first biology class scene it seemed like edward was trying to keep from vomiting all over bella. and bella acted as if she was breathing in some sort of awful stink and it was slowly choking her. not my favorite scene.
12. edward's suit for the prom was great. just great.
13. when edward was showing off his sparkly skin, was is neccessary to open his shirt to the waist? i'm just saying. and couldn't they have waxed his chest?
14. bella was the posterchild for an abusive relationship.
edward- i want to kill you and drink all your blood in a smoothie.
bella- but i love you!
15. is everyone in washington state sweaty and clammy all the time?
16. what was the deal with the leggings at prom? i almost walked out of the theater on that one. i can understand the sneaker because of the boot, but the leggings? barf on my face. and i thought her thigh bone was broken. would that kind of break required a foot boot?
17. the middle portion of the movie seemed like a music video that just wouldn't end.
18. i wish it could have been longer. i felt like there was a bunch that was missing. i don't think people would object to seeing a really good long movie. i object to short and bad movies.
19. does the cullen family have social security cards or passports? how do they travel out of country? how do they pay taxes? can they have their pictures taken? do they have driver's licenses???
20. sissies drive hatchbacks. granted, the hatchback edward drove was a flashy volvo, it still was a hatchback. how hard would it have been to get a coupe or a sedan?

in short, it wasn't a bad movie. it was definitely geared to a junior high audience. unfortunately most of our audience was 25 or older. all this being said, i haven't stopped thinking about twilight and i CANNOT WAIT to start reading the first book tonight. even with all the movie's faults i could tell there is a good story underneath that needs to be unearthed. and i hope i find it.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

infamous is not the same as famous

let's not give ashley alexandra dupre her fifteen minutes of fame. if you don't know who she is, she is the prostitute who former new york governor eliot spitzer had his dangerous liasions with and who he spent gobs of money on. before that she was famous for exploiting herself on girls gone wild. ms. dupre has an interview with diane sawyer on 20/20 on friday. \let's boycott this interview. watch an i love lucy rerun instead.
my heart breaks for silda spitzer who has chosen to stand by her husband during this whole scandal. do we really need to know why ms. dupre, an aspiring singer, left her upper-middle class family and chose to become a call girl? should we care? all i know is that this interview is another piece in her puzzle to lead to her a life of fame. i feel sticky just thinking about her. next time we see her i am sure it will be on celebrity rehab with dr. drew. and that's not the same as being famous either.

Monday, November 10, 2008

obama/mccain 08

the most burning political question post election, who was michelle obama's stylist on election night and have they been shot yet? talk about an unflattering dress!

however, i was thrilled and relieved to see her daughter dress like a little lady instead of like most girls her age who are imitating life size BRATZ dolls.

mrs. obama is a very attractive woman with enviable curves but you would never know with this frock disaster! first and foremost, she needs to lose the jacket. her arms are one of her best features. the jacket smothers the integrity of the original design of the dress. the jacket makes all the other details fight each other rather than compliment each other. the satin trim on the hips emphasizes and visually doubles the size of her hips detracts from the overall design of the dress. BOO!

the original, more risque design on the runway:

i think that by taking the dress from cocktail to presidential didn't translate. mrs. obama should have used her power of executive veto.

a short 2008 campaign trail retrospective:

michelle obama fashion fabulousness-

i love the dress, but i HATE the boots. they need to go higher on her leg. and the low heel and suede fabric look insubstantial compared to the crispness of the dress. she looks like she stood in a deep mud puddle and stained her legs. but the cinched waist and the turquoise beads and amazing.

mrs. obama is so lucky to be able to wear any color. her skin simply glows in this teal dress. and the cut skims her hips perfectly and the deep v neck gives her an hourglass appearance. it accentuates her curves without making them appear bigger or out of proportion.

the famous whitehouse/blackmarket sundress. great choice. her lovely shoulders are on display and figure flaws are minimized with the ephasis being on her waist. i do laugh when i recall that she was lauded for this dress being "reasonably priced at around $150". tell that one to thomas next time i go shopping!

is everyone slouching or is mrs. obama 7 feet tall? why does whoopi always have to look like she raided rosie o'donnell's closet? and sign me up for elisabeth hasselbeck's pump class, check out her arms!!! instead of bickering all the time, the view should promote arm wrestling. then finally elisabeth will have a chance to win something!

and since i am completely non-partisan(haha, i even typed that with a straight face), here is cindy mccain:
cindy mccain fashion panache-a-thon
mrs. mccain is very petite and slender which can prematurely age her and clothes can easily overwhelm her tiny frame or make her seem like a child playing dress up. she has mastered how to embrace dressing for the 50+ age set. she looks youthful without looking like she is trying to be young.

the architectural pleats and bow give her more shape and the gray shimmer gives her a warmer appearance. i want to wear this dress everyday of the week. but i would wear a nude pump instead of black.
i LOVED this oscar de la renta dress that mrs. mccain wore to the RNC. loved it!
and this was the only image of this dress i could find! love it! very retro/modern christian dior new look. love it. did i already say that? the full pleated skirt is so fresh and soft and the popped collared commands attention!

finally, this is how you rock a pant suit hilary. definitive color, crisp fabric, immaculate construction. AMEN!

Friday, November 07, 2008

viva the south!

i've had enough. let me make this very clear. the majority of the residents of the states located south of the mason dixon line are NOT pining for the days of slavery and african-american persecution. and the very few who do are a dying breed. i had a conversation with a man at church recently that left me steaming. i had mentioned to this man, brother j for jerk, that i had truly enjoyed living in the South, that the people were kind and generous and that most people from the South are proud to be called southerners. i find this to be true regardless of race. however, brother j made a few remarks to me suggesting that the white people of the South were proud of their history for all the wrong reasons, that white southerns were proud of a murderous and oppressive history. i will never deny that terrible and unfair things happened in the South, i am not ignorant to the fact that some still go on today. but i will also note that many of the most severe race riots occured in detroit, chicago and saint louis. the entire country has been guilty of hatred and intolerance and we should all feel pain because of this.
however, i am not embarassed, as was suggested by brother j, that thomas's ancestors fought for the confederacy. that is who they were and what they believed and what they thought they should do. their beliefs are not my beliefs. their thoughts are not my thoughts and since they are long dead, i cannot fully comprehend the things they fought for.
i do not speak for all on this subject, i merely speak for myself as an adopted southerner. let me be perfectly clear, the South is full of interesting people and a complex history. and unfortunately people are still treated poorly because of race, class, handicap, sexual orientation and religion. this is true in mississippi and missouri and new york and utah. what is most alarming to me is the people who speak the most ill of the Southland and her people are people who have never been there for more than a weekend visit to stone mountain. the South is more than rednecks and trailer parks and the stars and bars. yes, there are plenty of these in the South. but there are so many wonderful things there too. there are wonderful universities, incredible traditions and some of the best people i have ever known. how many other regions of the US can boast of decoration day, when all the graves of ancestors are decorated and honored? i cannot force people to see what i see. some people are determined to see only ugly things.
and if i hear another person from UTAH make a racist remark about black people, i will punch them in the face. no matter where we are.